partner in inpatient

[phantomdog]

hi everyone,

on sunday my boyfriend was checked into inpatient after an altercation with his father. our contact has been limited to a call a day and today he found a way around their internet's restrictions to contact me using a messenger app during the facility's designated school time. of course, this limited contact has been taking a toll on me, especially considering i also deal with mental illness. one such disorder i deal with makes me very emotionally dependent on one person, and he's that person - while i realize these dependent attachment styles are not healthy, i have certainly come a long way in managing them but of course they aren't completely gone, and in this instance such symptoms have surfaced quite strongly. i try my best to distract myself but days have gone past and he tells me there's no speculation on when he'll be released; my days feel very empty no matter what i do or who i talk to. i've been making him an art journal where i draw him things he likes to try and cope but it isn't as effective as i thought it would be. i suppose the most distressing aspect is the limited contact in conjunction to the lack of a projected discharge date. i've been having trouble motivating myself to do things and take care of myself, and i tell myself he'd want me to be taking care of myself and living life normally but i can't. he's the only constant in my life that provides any sense of nurturing or normalcy and it's very difficult to provide myself with these things since i was raised in an environment where codependency was the norm and i never learned to support myself emotionally. i just don't really know how to deal with this. thank you

[Jacob]

Hi phantomdog,

I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't know any other parts of your relationship, but from what you are saying, nothing indicates to me that the degree to which you are missing this person you care about is unhealthy.

It's ok to care about someone, and to have them be institutionalised can be quite traumatic.

I think it's good that you recognise that it's worth reaching out to other people, and other sources of emotional support, but that doesn't mean you need to feel bad for the genuine hurt you feel also.

I hope they are receiving some decent care wherever they are. And I hope you are doing ok too!