Scarleteen

hi uh, im fourteen and i feel uncomfortable about speaking about this stuff, but my friends seem to think masturbation is gross, disgusting and dirty, and i always feel like im being shamed for doing it. no one knows i do masturbate, but whenever i do it my mind seems to drift to my friends and family and how they would all disown me if they found out, and i always feel really guilty for doing so, so i have never actually finished and had an orgasm. i really dont know what to do, and on top of that im finding sorts of like 'kinks' you could say that i think i would enjoy and that turn me on, but if my friends knew they would laugh and idk what to do please help
p.s is it wrong if im fourteen and already know what sorta of kinks id like ((

Hey stangot,

Welcome to the boards! Glad to have you here

I'm sorry that you've been around such negative and hurtful messages about masturbation. A reminder, that hopefully will help you feel a bit less alone: most people masturbate! According to most studies and surveys, about 95% of adults have masturbated or continue to do so. What age people start really varies, but beginning in the pre-teen and early teen years is totally normal. My guess is actually you do know people who masturbate...they just aren't sharing pubicly about it. Many parts of our culture can often tell us that masturbating is wrong, dirty, etc. and this message comes especially strong for young women. So as a result, understandably people, especially young women, don't feel like raising their hands loud and proud and sharing "heck yeah I masturbate!". Here's an article you should check out: Is Masturbation Okay? (Yep.).

Have you gotten specific messages from your parents that masturbating is wrong? If so, can you share any more about that?

And kinks are another area there is unfortunately lots of shaming, as you have noticed It is not wrong to be in your teens and know what kinks you are interested in! Do you want to talk any more about what kinks you are thinking about that are bringing you anxiety or shame? Or do you have any questions?

I wanted to add that I wrote an advice column about a similar friends-shaming-masturbation situation earlier this year; here it is in case you want to give it a read.