I can’t masturbate whenever I like someone

[Verniver27]

hi,

i’ve had a few relationships in the past that never work out for normal reasons. i’m an 18 years old guy and the thing is i have a normal sexual life (not intense but average) and whenever it’s summee and i meet girls and make out or something, everything is totally fine.

The thing is whenever i fall in love with someone or i start liking someon, like simply catching feeling for someone even when we have never kissed or anything or haven’t even had a chance with her, i simply can’t masturbate.

I feel like i don’t want to and whenever i start i feel guilty and i don’t want to, i feel disgusted and weird. i can have normal boners during the day and feel unable to masturbate. it’s been days already and it always happens to me, why? what does it mean? why does it happen?

[Jacob]

Hi Verniver,

Just a note to say I changed the title of your post to no longer be all-caps, as it can come across as shouty. Please avoid writing in full capitals in the future, so that we can keep this a welcoming space.

Anyway, to your question. This sounds like something that is more likely to be psychological than physiological. I can't know exactly but I do have an idea:

My guess is that it might have something to do with how we as a society separate different areas of sexuality as 'good' and 'bad' which is something we can absorb as individuals.

Often casual sex, fantasy, and masturbation are coded as 'bad' and partner-oriented 'lovey' feelings are coded as wholesome and 'good'. I don't agree with that separation at all, but I think it can explain why some people experience what you're experiencing... that when engaging in one area, the other areas can feel so separated by what we've been taught, that it's hard to feel connected to those other parts of our sexuality, especially if they are seen as 'bad'. However there's nothing to feel guilty about, masturbation is a completely fine thing to do, regardless of whatever else is going on in your sexual life.

That said, it could also be that all of this is incidental and you just aren't that horny at the moment!