Anyone else here on the aromantic scale?

[dollroses]

Aromanticism is about romantic orientation and not sexual orientation, so I'm not entirely sure if this belongs here but it does have more to do with identity than relationships, so I posted it here!

So next week (10-17th) is aromantic awareness week (or aromantic pride week)! A lot of people don't know that romantic orientation is a thing, or they think that it's the same thing as sexual orientation. Here are some aromantic orientations!

Aromantic: someone who doesn't experience romantic attraction
Gray-aromantic: someone who very rarely experiences romantic attraction (or falls somewhere between aromantic and alloromantic)
Demi-aromantic: someone who only experiences romantic attraction after forming a strong emotional bond with the person
Platoni-aromantic: someone who has a hard time (or can't) distinguishing between romantic and platonic attraction

Here are some alloromantic orientations!

Alloromantic- someone who isn't on the aromantic scale
Heteromantic- someone who is only romantically attracted to the opposite gender
Homoromantic- someone who is only romantically attracted to the same gener
Biromantic- someone who is romantically attracted to more than one gender
Panromantic- someone who is romantically attracted to all the genders

Just like it says in my description, I am pansexual gray-aromantic. So what that means is that I am sexually attracted to all genders, but I am rarely ever romantically attracted to anybody. My aromantic identity is very important to me because I've always felt out of place in a very romantic world. When I found out about the aromantic scale, I was very happy and comfortable to find a label that almost perfectly describes my identity!

Is anyone else here on the aromantic scale? Does anyone else here have a romantic orientation that doesn't line up with their sexual orientation?

[Heather]

Nice post, dollroses!

If you -- or anyone else -- feels up to it, I am always interested in hearing people define "romantic" attraction or feelings, especially separate from any eroticism, since historically, those two were intertwined with the advent of the whole concept of romantic love.

It's a gimme it's not always used that way now, but because it's so different than most of the history, and also often so murky and undefined, I find it both interesting and helpful for users wanting to think and talk about this, to have some definitions about what "romantic" attraction is in the first place.

[ratperson]

So far I *think* I'm heterosexual (not completely sure but that's a whole can of worms I'd rather not get into, no reason to explore sexuality when I've found 'the one'), and heteroromantic as well, though I know I have trouble defining the line between friend and more-than-friend especially with very close friends (things that should seem like things a close friend would do I sometimes hesitate to do because my brain screams THAT'S TOO CLOSE TO A PARTNER-THING and I don't want to do the thing, other things that seem like romantic things to some people are things close friends and I do without blinking, so I think I just have trouble distinguishing)....

That being said

I think romantic attraction is the kind where your face lights up when you get a message from that person, where seeing them is sort of the highlight of your day, where just being near them is good, where you want to do things like shower with them just so you smell the same (well, I like smelling like my boyfriend, at least >.>) or wearing their sweatshirt because it smells like them and you like that smell, or where you want to share all the new books you've read and movies you've discovered with them because you want them to know about the awesome things too. Situations like that, or where you feel nervous-butterflies about going on a date because you're so excited to spend time with them (if you do dates), where you look forward to the times where you get to see them especially when you're feeling bad because you know they can make you feel better, where you want to sleep in bed with them just to wake up in their arms, etc.

Not sure how much of that blurs lines to sexual attraction, but all of that is stuff I think of as romantic sort of things.

[Atonement]

This is really interesting!

I've actually never heard of a romantic attraction as listed separately from a sexual one, but after reading the definitions, it totally makes sense!

While I certainly haven't had time to examine the thought in a way that I think is necessary to self-identify, I could absolutely see myself as being demi-aromantic.

It would explain a lot. For example, I don't like the "typical" american dating model, because the idea of pursuing and trying to form a relationship with someone that you don't already have feelings for seems so counter-productive to me. I feel like it takes me a lot longer to develop feelings, and using that model, I've frequently found myself in a place where I entertain the idea of a relationship with someone, and they develop feelings for me, but I've still got nothing. But then, there are plenty of people I know that seem to be romantically attracted to tons of people practically automatically, so I guess they're just not on the aromantic spectrum.

That being said, I think my romantic orientation is pretty closely tied to my sexual orientation. While I can be sexually attracted to someone I'm not romantically attracted to, it's always more of a "look, don't touch" sort of thing. I might enjoy looking at them or considering the idea, but I don't ACTUALLY want to have sex with them without the romantic part.

Does scarlet have any article on this concept? I'd love to read more.