Scarleteen

I am very new here and I made sure to read all of the terms and conditions before applying for an account because I wanted to be sure that I wasn't jumping to conclusions, but I really need to make a statement. I am feeling a bit conflicted about the true nature of this site and whether or not this place is a bit hypocritical of itself. Just the other day, I saw a post made by a girl here whose name I will not disclose for her own privacy sake asking about a pregnancy scare. She was not saying anything rude or threatening to ANYBODY. She had asked something along the lines of "how long can sperm live in the mouth" blah blah blah "I'm scared I might get pregnant because I gave my boyfriend a bj and we kissed and then he performed oral on me" the usual anxious new to sex sort of fear. To my horror, she was shut down before anyone could answer her question! I was absolutely appalled. Her post got locked and everything and all she did was ask a simple anxious question. An INNOCENT question at that, and she was shut down all the way.

In my own personal opinion, I think that it is my responsibility now as a member of this online community to point out some particular flaws in Heather's, a founder and director of "scarleteen: as well as the woman who took down the other girl's post, reasoning. Number one was: "We will not answer ANY questions about pregnancy fear or anxiety in our direct services from users who are not pregnant or who are not or have not otherwise been directly involved with an actual pregnancy."

Anybody on this website with able vision can clearly see the words "pregnancy and parental abuse" as well as inclusive , supportive . Not to mention the fact that the scarleteen slogan branded across the entirety of the top left corner of the home screen labels this website as having sexuality and relationships info for teens and emerging adults. Let's not forget to mention the fact that scarleteen is also supposed to be a "safe and sound place to talk about sex". Heather then goes on to say "Please do not post this kind of question. If you are seeing this text, and your thread is locked, it is because you have posted this kind of question." That's funny, I thought that this website was supposed to be safe and sound ? She was clearly scared. She was clearly asking an innocent question. All I am saying on that matter in particular is that the hostility was not needed. If you would like to read the thread for yourself here it is: http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=4530
They claim to not like the post because it was made by someone who had a pregnancy scare but wasn't really pregnant which I thought was very inconsiderate of the emotional torment that sexually active teen girls and guys may go through considering all that is at risk here when we are sexually active. For a website that claims to be "an inclusive safe space for all uwu" the staff sure do not take a liking for people with apparent anxiety around being at risk for pregnancy which happens, you know, EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX. These people aren't crazy, and they aren't being unreasonable. I believe that scarleteen ought to reconsider their ever-so-rigid terms and conditions.

To go on, I looking over the terms and conditions, I see that it says that some of the posts and behaviors that are not allowed on this site are "• How to perform specific sexual activities (i.e., "How do I give a blow job?" "What are some new sexual positions?")
• Illegal drug use or abuse, or illegal or patently unsafe sexual activities (i.e., bestiality, rape, incest, intentionally transmitting disease or infection, etc.)
• Stated intent to engage in potentially dangerous, harmful or illegal activities or practices" AND YET

NOT EVEN 2 MINUTES OF SEARCHING LATER, I see threads titled something along the lines of "I want more kink", "puppy play", "race play", and others. Not only that, but staff members themselves giving suggestions on kinky guide books as well. Not only that but it makes me wonder: "why are these types of questions swept under the rug, but actual fears are put on blast and then dealt with by locking the post and refusing them an answer?" It seems to me that there is a major flaw in the logic system on this site.

In short, it appears to me that scarleteen doesn't seem to understand that real world means real topics and real issues. Not just the bad stuff and not just the good. In the real world, people have anxiety surrounding pregnancy. Some people have crippling anxiety about just the possibility of getting pregnant through a sexual act. Calling yourself a real-world website and then not being able to handle real-world anxiety is unhelpful and all around uninclusive to those who just need a bit of reassurance. I hope that this website benefits from this little bit of reflection showing. Please look in a mirror and reconsider just how "real-world" and "inclusive, supportive, and safe-space uwu" you are.

If anyone would like to answer these three questions please be my guest as I will not be on the website for long due to the seemingly irrational and tyrannical methods of locking and refusal to answer simple, innocent, and anxious questions.


1. Why are entire threads focused on pregnancy scare and experiences with pregnancy scare by people who have actually become pregnant allowed, but questions on how sperm works and basic biology surrounding pregnancy not?

2. Can any of you share a time when your post was locked or taken down due to a strict and seemingly hypocritical rule such as this?

3. How long do you think my post will stay up? Give me a ballpark estimate

Hey JenniferJams,

Seems like you maybe missed the link at the bottom of our response to pregnancy scare posts? The final bullet point says: "If you would like more information on this policy and why it is in place, click here." The link leads you to this page which will answer the questions you have outlined: http://www.scarleteen.com/pregnancy_fea ... ety_policy.

Given all the Scarleteen research you have done, you will I'm sure have noticed that we are more than happy to chat with users about finding access to mental healthcare, different methods of birth control, including but not limited to the effectiveness rates of different methods, the ins and outs of how human reproduction works etc.

And please do remember--we are almost all volunteers here. We spend our evenings after work responding to young people's questions, for no pay, simply because we deeply believe young people have a right to inclusive and comprehensive sex education. So we are clearly not here to be mean or hurtful toward anyone--we are doing our best to support our users in evidence-based ways and make sure this organization continues running smoothly.

All of that being said, the title of your post is "I'm terribly conflicted." Definitely no pressure to continue to visiting this site or using its resources! Feel free to head elsewhere for your questions and concerns if we are not the right fit for you. No problem at all!

Thank you, Alice!

I will admit that considering all of the research I did, there was clearly a lack of it concerning figuring out your site's reasoning, so thank you for the link. Concerning anxieties surrounding pregnancy I will definitely look elsewhere as now that I know that you are mostly volunteers, I understand why it would have been a bit of a waste of time trying to explain things to the young lady that posted the original question as it would have just fed the anxiety. As a person who suffers from anxiety myself, I got a bit upset seeing that nobody was answering these types of questions and felt as though they were simply brushing them off, just so they wouldn't have to deal with it. Now I know otherwise so that link you gave me was very insightful. Thank you again.

However, since my other questions are now null and void, I am left with a final question. Is it possible to just let other members of the forum (not staff members just regular users with the same fears or whatever) answer the questions instead of staff themselves? I don't see any fault on the side of the staff members if they just didn't engage with those questions period and simply let someone else who might've shared the same fear before answer. If the question never gets answered here, they will go somewhere else, right?

Hi Jenniferjams,

Thank you for admitting that you did not make an attempt to learn why our organization has the policy that we have. I appreciate you acknowledging that.

In regards to your question: Is it possible to just let other users answer pregnancy scare questions instead of staff themselves? I have a two-part answer.
1. Yes, we have a thread specifically for that purpose, called "Share Your Pregnancy Scare Experience and Advice": http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewtopic. ... are#p41299.
2. While we do allow for users to post there and receive peer support, we have developed our template response to pregnancy scare questions on other parts of the boards in order to stay focused on what we as an organization are able to help with. We deeply believe in the importance of mental health care, and as I said before, are absolutely willing to support people in finding that care, but ultimately we are not the right resource for that. We are a resource for questions and concerns relating to sex, sexuality, bodies, relationships, gender etc. A majority of the pregnancy scare questions we get are coming from a place of obsessive anxiety--in which the education we are here to provide not only doesn't seem to satisfy those users, but may actually be, as you said, "feeding into the anxiety." (And this is coming from a volunteer who has both OCD and anxiety!) In order to keep the boards from being overrun with these questions, we have set a clear limit. You can read more here about what Scarleteen can and can not help with: http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=14. That is at the top of every board page.

Lastly, I will ask that next time you put a little more time and thought into your posts on these boards. The boards are meant to be a compassionate space where people are looking to help each other out. You came in with an incredibly aggressive post--and said a lot of hurtful things about the organization, the director Heather, and all the volunteers who spend our time working here. At the very least I would ask that you do your research before sharing an angry post like that. Had you clicked on the link that is at the bottom of every single pregnancy scare response, or clicked on the post that is on the top of every single board home page, you would have most of your questions answered. If you do decide to stick around on these boards, I think you owe Heather and the rest of the staff here an apology.

Hello Alice,

Thank you for your response, it answered my question perfectly, and thank you for another helpful link. I won't be sticking around since I feel that I have thoroughly made a fool of myself by going on such a useless yet haughty and angry rant about the site and the admin Heather herself, making her out to be some fool, instead of doing just a click further and trying to understand the "why" that I so obviously missed in my rage. However, in a final attempt to scrape up any dignity that I dropped making that angry and clearly uneducated post, I would like to apologize for letting my emotions blind me and for insulting the site and the admins as I did. I hope that you all can forgive me. For what is worth, I would like to offer another apology to you as well, as this was probably a waste of time for you too. I truly and rightfully regret making my original post. It won't happen again due to the fact that I won't be on the site anymore out of respect for not only you and all of the other admins but for myself as well. Maybe it is best if we just leave it at this.

Thanks for being so respectful and helpful even though I spat in your face at first. I appreciate your help.

Goodbye,
Jen.

I hope you can hear this in the light spirit I intended when I say if you can't make some kind of ass of yourself when you're young, when can you?

Seriously, it's kind of the time for being super-passionate and intense and feelings-ful and not taking a breath or a minute or a larger view to the bigger or less subjective picture of things. Thanks for the apologies (and to Alice for giving her time and energy to working it through) and we're good. It happens, it's happened to all of us (I know I sure did it waaaaaay more than once), and please know that if you have need for the site or want to take part in its community, our doors are of course open for you.