Scarleteen

So I am a hopeless romantic, and kissing always looked and sounded like some magical electricity. When I had my first kiss with a girl I was dating who I found very attractive, when it happened the moment felt right, I leaned in and went for it, my heart racing and then when we locked lips.... I just.... I felt nothing other than just simple skin to skin contact with my lips. I chalked it off as “eh maybe she wasn’t the one” even though I found her sexually attractive. Well over the last couple years I’ve kissed 3 additional beautiful girls, who I emotionally felt happy around and genuinely cared about, I even felt strong sexual attraction to, but when I kissed each of them it was boring. I even made out for quite a while here and there to experiment and I was very bored with the act of kissing and felt nothing. I just pretend to enjoy it for my partner, and I’m apparently an amazing kisser but I just have zero feelings. It’s the equivalent of kissing my hand feelingwise.
Currently I’m dating someone who is literally everything I’m looking for in a wife, and it’s the same story. I kinda freaked out about this and put our relationship on pause because it’s stressing me out that I don’t feel anything while kissing. Do I just keep choosing the wrong partners and I haven’t found the right chemistry physically? Or is there something biologically/neurologically different about me?
My friend I’ve told this to thinks I’m asexual, but some weird version of it since I have a high sex drive. I’m not gay, I definitely only have sexual feelings towards females, and don’t find men at all attractive, but I’m definitely confused and didn’t know who to talk to. I’m an adult halfway done with college and it’s a struggle. Maybe I’m in the wrong forums but I hope there is someone who can help me.

I’m so sorry this has you feeling so freaked.

Not everyone likes kissing! Or any given thing, for that matter. And sometimes that’s for always, with everyone, while other times people’s experiences change over time, being different with different people or for different times of life.

I don’t feel like not being into one way of being sexual or physically affectionate can tell us much of anything about your sexuality as a whole. Not finding kissing satisfying so far also can’t tell us anything about how you feel about other sexual activities. I know that people and media often present kissing as some kind of gateway to all things sexual, like if you like that with someone, you’ll like everything else (and if you don’t, you’ll like nothing else), but that’s not sound for everyone nor for plenty of experiences.

Want to talk more about what your big worries are about this? How can we help? At the very least, if you’re open, I’d like to see if we can help you stop doing any kind of pretending. Doing anything sexual you aren’t feeling (including kissing) and pretending you are, and feeling like you have to do that thing and fake it, is just never a good recipe for healthy, mutually satisfying sexual relationships or feeling generally happy.

I am all ears honestly. I did make some minor edits to my original post, but to answer your inquiry;
Sexually I actually have very strong feelings and I have no concerns about. Sex is something I love. It’s just when I’m kissing I don’t feel anything special or even sensational but like I feel more magic in a hug or holding hands than anything. And kissing it’s just dead. Absolutely nothing other than feeling someone else’s skin and body temperature. Like passionate kissing can get sexual and if it does then sexually I enjoy that part of it, but the whole kissing thing itself is the problem.
To clairfy, I don’t expect or even relate kissing to the sexual world. I relate kissing to the magical Disney-like power stuff like I said hugging and cuddling holds in my heart. Those feel powerful. But sadly kissing doesn’t fit there either since I don’t feel anything at all. It’s just this romanticized idea I seem to not be able to feel. Does that make sense? All my friends and family feel “fireworks and butterflies and rollercoasters” but no matter who I’m with (so far) kissing doesn’t do that. And yeah I definitely don’t like pretending either. It’s why I hit pause on my current relationship. She is my best friend and I’m worried about hurting her emotionally (that’s kind of a different problem but definitely stems from this) and also not sure if the chemistry is supposed to just be friends simply because of this whole situation that is stressing me out. So if I can figure out or discuss this situation about dead kissing, I can sort out the rest of things like relationships and whatnot.

It really just sounds to me like you're not into kissing. Maybe that's a so-far, but maybe it's a not-ever. Either way, that's okay. You get to like and not like things. You get to have things that do it for you and things you don't, and also things you do and things you choose not to. Everyone does and should.

I don't think that a kiss can tell us if someone is supposed to be just a friend or not: I don't think a kiss can usually tell us anything about a whole relationship, and I say that as someone who is a great fan of kissing themselves and has had kisses that sometimes felt like they told me big things (though I can say the same of sentences, bed-romps, glances and a whole lot of things, and who knows how much of any of that with any of those things has been my own projection, you know?). We can talk about this relationship more if you want, and evaluate what the right kind of relationship feels like for you with this person, but I don't think that not liking something with them that it seems like you're not into with anyone is sound criteria for that.

I'd actually ask you to consider not calling this something like "dead kissing." You don't like doing ONE thing that is ONE way to be sexual or affectionate with people. That doesn't make you or your body or anything else about you "dead." That just makes you a person who, like all people, turns out to not like everything that can be part of the human experience. I think thinking about this or yourself as “dead” is probably a barrier to acceptance of what is most likely just a matter of preference and sexual/affectional diversity.

How do you feel about just being honest with your current person, and people in general, moving forward by saying you just don't feel it with kissing, but do with other things and would prefer to do those things instead?