Hi there 9589slw, and welcome to Scarleteen!
It sounds like the idea of becoming sexual in that way with your boyfriend is causing you some anxiety. That's okay - just because you've been in a relationship with someone for a certain amount of time doesn't mean that you should automatically want or need to have sex. It's not uncommon for someone to feel nervous or worried about having sex for the first time, but if you're feeling really anxious about it, it might be a sign that you're not really feeling ready for it.
We have a great article all about this, called
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist, that you might find helpful. It breaks down all the things that you might want to consider before having sex for the first time, and the essential 'checklist' of things to have in place in order to take care of yourself/your partner(s) and have the best possible experience.
One of my favorite parts of that article is the question that asks
why you want to have sex. There are obvious reasons why most people want to have sex (because it feels good, because it sounds fun, etc), but it asks you to really think about whether or not your expectations are realistic.
If you do feel like it's something that you'd like to try, there are options that for things that you might be able to start out with if you feel like being totally naked or exposed would make you feel nervous. I highly recommend our
Yes, No, Maybe So Inventory Stocklist for that, because it asks you to think about different potential sexual scenarios and how comfortable you'd be with each one. That might be something that would be helpful for your boyfriend to go through as well, because then you'd be able to have a conversation with each other about what you'd each be looking for and what you're not comfortable with. (
Drivers Ed for the Sexual Superhighway is another good resource for figuring out how to communicate about that stuff too!).
Also, just a quick note: whether you have certain curves in certain places, or whatever your body looks like at whatever angle, that shouldn't matter to someone you're choosing to share it with. If someone wants to be intimate and have sex with you, they should be interested in you, as a person with a real, "imperfect" body, rather than some idyllic version of you that could be potentially ruined by seeing your body in the wrong light. Has your boyfriend ever made comments about your body or made you feel like it's not good enough?
