Age Sticker Shock to Parents

[sugar23]

Hi all,

To preface this, I'm 23 and a recent college grad, living back at home for the first time in 2 years. I'm fully employed and a responsible adult, just using living at home as an advantage to save up some finances. My friend- we'll call him S- is 8 years older than me (31). We met through a mutual friend and have been friends for about a year, more recently I've developed feelings for him.

On Saturday, I went to S's work's Christmas party. He invited me to it, and it was more of a formal occasion, which I knew going in. I was his date, but I wouldn't say we're regularly "dating" yet, as this was really the first time.
He insisted on driving me to and from the party. When he came to pick me up, I did not introduce him to my parents. Looking back, I probably should have, but I didn't think it was the right time since we're not a couple yet.

I got home late that night, which worried my parents. I did let them know when I was on my way home, but they were worried about me, especially my mom. I don't have a curfew, but I don't usually stay out past 11pm. The next morning they were questioning me about S, and I told them I didn't feel ready to introduce him to them yet. Then the age question came up, and my parents flipped out. There wasn't much of a conversation to follow, but it's made me extremely anxious since. To add to that, I found out that yesterday, my mom went behind my back to ask my sister about S, since she met him a few months ago.

I feel like I should probably have a further conversation about this with my parents, but I worry that they're going to forbid me from seeing him or something. The age gap has crossed my mind, but S is one of the most special guys I've met in a long time, and I would like to continue seeing him more. My last boyfriend was 24 when I was 19, and my parents didn't have an issue with that.

I'm already going through a lot of anxiety with being in the 3rd month of my new job, and I feel like going out with S is one of the best things to happen to me in a long time.

So I'm wondering, what's the best way to go about this with my parents? My mom can be really judgmental without getting to know people, but I feel like they're invading my privacy and trying to control my personal life.

[Sam W]

Hi Sugar23,

I'm sorry to hear this situation is adding more stress to a time where you're already feeling pretty anxious. I think talking to your parents about this is sound, if only because it gives you a chance to hear if they have more specific concerns which the three of you can talk about and gives them a chance to hear your perspective on the situation. One way to prep for that conversation is to take a look at this article to see some of the common concerns with age-disparate relationships and see if those match what you think/know your parents' concerns are (and it gives you a chance to gut-check your relationship with S): http://www.scarleteen.com/article/polit ... do_with_it

Too, can you give me a sense of how much S and you have talked about your relationship and if it's moving from a platonic to a romantic one?