confused about my romantic & sexual identity

[cherrypink6]

so i've grown up feeling like i'm pretty hetero-normative with who i'm attracted to, but in the last 3 or 4 years i've started maturing and started unlearning internalised biases/ what society tells us is essentially "normal". i have a made a lot more friends who identify as lgbtqa+ as well as am surrounding myself with a lot more lgbtqa+ media such as books and tv/film. i think it's allowed me to normalise my perception of lgbtqa+ relationships. i've always been a little slower than my peers at having my first kiss (17), losing my virgnity (19), i haven't really been in a proper relationship, it takes me a long time to feel comfortable with someone else/ then feel compatible with them so it's been hard for me to really know what my sexuality is? i've never really wanted to be in a relationship with another girl, although objectively have always thought they are beautiful. but over the last year i've met this really amazing girl online, we've become friends and i know she's bi, and somehow knowing that, i think has helped me develop a crush on her? i've found myself wanting to flirt with her and wanting her attention and wanting to talk with her more similar to the way it felt when i've had crushes on boys before. but i'm worried that maybe i'm wrong because i've never had a crush on a girl before and i don't know if it feels different or if it's too late for me to have a crush on a girl (i'm 21). i don't want to be accidentally taking advantage of her because i know she could like me back? i don't know if i could imagine being in a relationship with another girl but when i think about being in one with her it feels really nice. it's also hard to tell because i haven't met her in real life/ i guess only know as much about her as she shares with me online.

[Sam W]

Hi Cherrypink,

Learning your own sexual orientation is something that can be a lifelong process, or at least a process that takes longer than you think it might. Some people get a definite sense of their orientation early on, others get it later, and some folks find it shifts throughout their lives. So it's definitely not too late to discover that you get crushes on girls. Too, plenty of people who experience attraction to multiple genders find they don't experience that attraction equally (one person may find they tend to be attracted to guys more often than girls, another may experience the reverse, etc), which could be one of the reasons this is the first time you're feeling this way; something about this girl hits all the right buttons for you in a way girls in the past haven't. Does that help you clarify what you might be feeling at all?

If you're noticing that these feelings match what you've experienced with crushes in the past, that's a sign that you likely do feel some attraction to this friend. Her being a girl doesn't automatically mean the crush will, or should, somehow feel different than the crushes you've had on guys. While some people who are attracted to multiple genders experience those attractions differently depending on the gender of the person they're crushing on, other people find their crushes feel the same regardless of gender. Does that make sense?