Scarleteen

hi, i’m a 14 year old girl of the catholic religion. I always daydream about guys and sex and i also think about really kinky things that they would do to me in bed, i read erotica stories and i masturbate often but i feel so much shame afterwards, my religion has taught me that sex is so dirty and it’s only for dirty women who lose their value. it also doesn’t help that my friends hold the same strong belief and are negative about sex whenever the topic is brought up. i feel like my mum should get the hint that i’m curious about sex due to my age and the changes in my body but she also feels like sex is dirty and shameful and she probably has the mindset that i would lose my “innocence” ????? my family constantly slut shame people which hurts because i really admire pornstars for their confidence in what they do. (btw i wanted to be a pornstar + probably still do ) . Lastly, i just want to know what i should do to stop being ashamed about my desire for sex despite the fact that im surrounded by a sex negative family 24/7 ..
REGARDS , K
<3

Hi armykiki,

We can definitely provide you with information on how to combat negative or shameful messages around sex. These two articles might be good starting points for you (if you want information about dealing with shame that's coming from religious messaging, we can offer that as well): http://www.scarleteen.com/article/polit ... xual_shame
http://www.scarleteen.com/the_sex_godde ... xual_shame

However, before we get into this conversation I think we need to prioritize and continue the conversation we're having in the other thread you made, as you've expressed some safety concerns there that need addressing.

(I also want to check in with you about your profile. You list your age as 18. If you are actually 14, you should change that. If you are actually 18, please be honest with us in your posts about how old you are).

Hi thank you for the article, i also struggle to talk to my mum about things like boys and sex. Whenever i’m feeling curious about sex, i feel like i’d be severely punished. i feel like my mum would be very disappointed and would probably tell my aunts about my curiosity. My mum is not the best personal to talk to when it comes to things like this .. my curiosity about sex is at its highest and I feel like i can’t take it anymore. I don’t have anyone to talk to, not even my siblings because they’ve been brought up the same way. I don’t have any trusted adults not even my teachers. I go to a catholic school so they don’t provide any sex education AT ALL. Even when it comes to teachers teaching about sex they’re often embarrassed to even say the word, in fact they’d never even say the word. I really want to know the best way i can try and talk to my mum about this because i’m terrified

I hear you saying that your mother isn't actually someone safe for you to talk to about this. I hear you saying that you have no reason to expect her to be supportive, accepting or kind. I even feel like you may be saying you might be abused for talking to her about those things.

If all that is the case, then we'd actually not advise you do talk to your Mom, because it doesn't appear to be something safe or sound for you to do. I know it stinks not to be able to get support around this from a parent, but unfortunately, sometimes that's just how it is.