Scarleteen

Hello,
So my periods are pretty irregular and almost always at least a week later than expected. Sometimes it’ll come on after a month; others will wait a few weeks, others completely skip months. I’m sexually active but have never gotten std checked or anything and I’m not on birth control (I’ll use condoms tho).

Sometimes when I’m fingering myself I’ll get pain in my uterus. It’s not like in my vagina, but more lower abdomen, and it’s like a shooting pressure. I feel like it’s normally when my period is supposed to be, but doesn’t come. (Then I always convince myself it’s late bc I’m pregnant and the pains are baby pains, ugh). It doesn’t feel like cramps, I’ll get those sometimes and it’s way different, this is more on a pressure feeling like it’s stretching out internally or something.

I’ve talked to my mom about different forms of vaginal pain but she ignores it. She’ll make excuses or give me some at home solution like “just drink some cranberry juice!!”. I wanna go to the gyno sooo bad, this happens almost every month I’ve noticed and always makes me trip out thinking I’m dying (but it’s different than cramps, it’s only when I masturbate/have sex but not all month, only for a few days). I’m worried it could be an std/disease/disorder or something. I also want to go on birth control but that’s a whole other story (if I can get myself to the gyno then I could try and approach that with the doctor, try to convince my mom). My mom knows I’m not a virgin (just about one time) and I feel like she thinks keeping me from the doctor will stop me from having sex?? She told me after she found out that she’d book me an appointment and I was so thankful but she never did, it’s been a year since and I’ve been wanting to go for over a year now.

What should I do?? Could this pain actually be serious? How should I tell her without her dismissing it and without the whole sex/masturbation part of the story (that’s the only time it really hurts)? I’ve told her my periods are irregular before. Thanks

hey spotteddog,

You're right, it does sound like time to see a healthcare provider. Have you asked your mom to help you get an appointment since she offered? As a first approach, how about reminding her that she said she'd find a doctor for you, and telling her that you're regularly experiencing pain and irregular periods and you want to get checked out? You don't have to say what triggers the pain, just that every month there are a few days of bad pain and you want to see a doctor.

I’ve brought it up to her multiple times since and she always ignores it. I’ll tell her ab a weird symptom and she ignores it, or I’ll tell her about how miserable my periods are and she’s like yeah they suck

I'm so sorry that she's not actually helping you out with health issues and instead seems to be dismissing you when you come for help. Given that, I think a sound next step would be to figure out how to access an OB-GYN without her help. Do you have any sense of how to go about that, or do you feel like you're not sure where to start?

No idea. I’m only 15 right now and can’t drive myself, I don’t rlly know how I could

Okay, so since transportation is a main concern, let's start with troubleshooting that. Do you have friends, or another supportive family member, who can drive who'd be willing to take you? Is there public transportation of some kind in your area?

As for the other elements, how about you take a look at this article first and then we can talk about what parts of it you think might be tricky and what parts of it you might already have settled? Dealing With Doctors: Taking Control of Your Health Care Destiny

Too, if you want to try asking your mom one more time for help with this, you can. But since it seems like she hasn't been responsive in the past, planning for her to continue not helping you is a sound move.

I’m gonna try and talk to her about it later today, and if it doesn’t work out I’m gonna try and make a new plan. I’ll give it 1 more shot bc I know that our insurance can cover it and it would be ideal to not lie to her about about anything, but if I have to get there then I might have to

Sounds like a plan. If you need help formulating what to say to her, we can certainly offer that.

Too, you should be able to use your insurance to cover it regardless of whether you have her help (unless she actively keeps things like an insurance card away from you). If she ignores or refuses to help you this time, do you feel like you'd be okay letting her know you intend to take care of it yourself?

She’d be pretty upset if she knew, idk. I would really appreciate if you could help me w what to say to her tho

I get that you don't want to upset your mom, but right now I'd suggest that your first priority is your own health.

Do you think she'd try to stop you if you said you were going to handle it yourself? If so, it may be best to get hold of your insurance card (if you can) or make an alternative plan if you can't and make an appointment that you can get to and only tell her after - if at all.

If you think she'll be upset but won't try to stop you, then just calmly presenting the facts is probably the best way forward. Like, "Mom, this has me worried, I'm pretty sure it's not normal so I've booked myself an appointment for XX, I'm going to get there by XX, I'd really appreciate your support but either way I need to get this checked out". To feel more in control of how the conversation goes from there, you might like to have a phrase that you can just repeat instead of engaging in a debate - like "I hear what you're saying but I need to get this checked out by a medical professional", "like I say, I need to get this checked out", "again, I need to get this checked out" - or whatever words work for you!

What do you think? Do you think she'll try to prevent you accessing care? If not, how do you feel about an approach like this?