Putting on lotion after showering and before sex, and more questions

[primrose1]

My partner and I want to shower together and afterward, have sex.
I'm planning to scrub myself clean in the morning, before I shower with my partner. I need step by step advice on how the shower would ideally be like.

Should I expect that we will put lotion on each other after we shower together?
I've read on some forums that we're going to get sweaty during sex anyway, so putting on lotion isn't necessary. And we would be licking each other's skin minutes after applying lotion, so lotion would leave a bad taste on our tongues. But what if we wake up wanting to have sex and our skin, especially mine, is all dry (especially my genitals maybe) is difficult to make-out with?

If I decide not to use lotion, I think I better use the most moisturizing body wash soap. Any deeply moisturizing, non-drying recommendations would help! So far, Alaffia Vanilla Mint Shea Butter & Neem Body Wash looks good.
https://www.target.com/p/alaffia-vanill ... A-75570440

I'd like to use my vaginal soap when he washes my genitals. Would it be weird to ask him: could you use this specific vaginal soap?

I'm expecting and wanting to wash my partner's penis ... and balls I guess. Is that weird/expected anyways? Should I bring a special soap for that?

[Heather]

No one else can tell you how you and your parter can "ideally" do something sexual. What you two want is specific to the two of YOU. There's no right or wrong way to be sexual with someone else that someone else can tell you. How you figure out what is and isn't what you and your partner want is by talking together.

Someone external also can't tell you what to expect a partner -- or yourself -- to do. How do *you* ideally want this to go? What do YOU think you want to do?

It sounds to me like maybe the two of you aren't doing talking that you might need to, because you sound like you're feeling concerned about a lot of things and also feeling lost. Why not talk together about what you want and need from this experience, both before you do it, but than as you go (which is how sexual communication generally works when people are doing it)?

One thing you might also want to talk about is any discomfort you're feeling about NOT having a very detailed and literal step-by-step for this in advance. Generally, sex of any kind with someone else isn't going to be something we can map out so specifically, in past because we can't often know in advance how we and a partner will feel: instead, we usually need to be okay with at least some level of let's-see-how-it-goes-and-take-it-from-there. But it might be you need to talk some more before you feel comfortable with that. You might also feel more comfortable if you can have *some* things understood in advance, like filling your partner in, if he doesn't know already, that vaginas are sensitive and you can't just use any soap on them or put soap inside of them, and asking him what he likes to wash his own self with.