I don't know my sexual orientation

[IAmScared]

ughhh help

I have no clue if I am bi or gay.(I am a transguy.) Once,on TV,I saw like 20 women and I thought they all had sexy legs. I also have a thing for female bellies.In high school I had crushes on 2 girls.But now since then I can't have any romantic feelings towards women.None.And even female bellies don't attract me anymore.I am not attracted to rest of the female body either,except rarely to female legs.I don't want sex with women and I can't have romantic feelings for women.What am I??

[Sam W]

Hi IAmScared,

That's ultimately a question you get to answer for yourself, because only you get to decide how you identify in terms of your sexual orientation. Now, that may feel a bit overwhelming, but what it means is that you don't have to worry about getting it right because you, and not someone else, get to determine how you feel and what that means. So, if you feel like you're only experiencing attraction to guys and therefore gay is the right term, you get to make the choice to use that label (or no label at all)

Too, it may help to keep in mind that sexual orientation can be fluid for many people. So it's okay to identify as bi at one point and gay at another. That doesn't mean you were wrong about your identity, it just means you were (or are) operating with the information that you had at the time. Does that make sense?

If you haven't already done so, I suggest reading through this article: The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone . Are there any identities in there that feel like they match your experiences?

[IAmScared]

I think I'm gay.

I used to have sex with this one girl and I didn't like it. Then,I was kissing with the prettiest girl ever and it was nice but I much prefered when I would hug guys (who wouldn't agree on anything more,unfortunately). There just wasn't that spark with this girl like it was with guys.I don't have romantic feelings towards girls.And I much prefer male body.

Although,I have slight fear of penises.Why is that?


I just have a feeling that I am gay.

[Sam W]

So, if gay feels like the term that best suits you, then that's what you get to call yourself! How does using that term to refer to yourself make you feel?

As for your fear of penises, that's something to talk to your mental healthcare provider about, since they're in the best position to help you figure out the source of that fear.

[IAmScared]

Using word gay makes me feel better then using bisexual because,in my opinion,biphobia is worse then homophobia.
People don't take you seriously and think you just want attention and that you want to have sex with everyone. I think also they believe that you have to make a choice.
(Plus,I think being gay is more interesting LOL.)


About the penises,I have no clue. I once saw dad naked by accident when I was a kid and I still have that picture in my mind. I don't have fear of small penises,just big ones.Once I saw my ex boyfriend naked and he had a small penis and I was fine with it. Maybe because I trusted my ex?
Or maybe it was because he was also late in development,like me?

[Sam W]

If gay feels like the right term, then it's probably the right term! Although, I will say figuring out your identity is less about what you want to avoid (like biphobia) and more about who and what you desire in terms of relationships. I really like the way this article breaks it down: Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway? . Too, we tend to pick the label (or no label at all) for our orientation based on a host of factors, not just what we think is the more interesting identity, you know?

Again, the penis-fear is out of the scope of what we do, so would be something to bring up when you're talking with your therapist.

[IAmScared]

I think I'm gay because I can't have a crush on a girl. And cause I was kissing with this very pretty girl and I felt something but that was nothing when compared with just hugging boys I liked.And I rarely like boobs.

[Heather]

Honestly, you don’t need “proof” like this for us or anyone else. You get to use the terms for orientation you want to, period.

[IAmScared]

I read what you wrote but here:

I am sexually attracted to female stomachs and legs.I love female breasts too but only if they remind me of male pecs or If I imagine them on men (bizarre,I know).I can't fall in love with a woman unless she is flat chested and most women aren't so I don't crush on women.I find female body aesthetically pretty but not sexually attractive.I'd like to touch female body but I do know it wouldn't be sexual to me.I had crushes on girls only in past,not now.
But I never want to have sex with a woman (female body is pretty but not sexual to me) and I never want to date a woman. While with men,I want sex with them and I crush on them easily and I feel attracted to them.Vagina nor female butt don't attract me.With men I feel more connected to them. When I see a pretty woman I think that I would like to be sexual with her but at the same time I KNOW I wouldn't enjoy it.I know that 110%. I think I might be gay. Is it wrong if I identify as gay?

[Heather]

Why would it be wrong?

For one, you get to choose how you identify. That's about what feels right for you, and not something for anyone else to decide.

Too, our orientation is about who we ARE attracted to, not who we aren't. It sounds to me like some of what might be tripping you up here is focusing on what you do not want and what you do not find attractive instead of focusing on what and who you do want and find attractive.