Scarleteen

I'm asking this question on behalf of my boyfriend.
He had PROTECTED sexual intercourse, twice, two years ago, with a girl who was a virgin at the time. However, he later discovered that the girl cheated on him by having unprotected sex ONCE with someone else in the same time period. He hasn't ever had any sexual encounters other than this, and had never given much thought to it, but recently, he's been having constant colds (He doesn't take any antibiotics for any minor colds), ones that come, last 4 days or so, and then come back every 3 weeks. Could it be possible that he has HIV, or are these just due to the bad weather? We live in a nation where premarital sex is a huge social taboo, so it wont be possible for him to get tested without telling his parents and they would literally kick him out if they found out. Does he need to get tested?

Hi hypochondriac,

So, if the intercourse and other activity he had was protected, then HIV is not really a concern (especially if he has no reason to believe that the woman or her other partner had it). If he's been having constant colds, he should go to a doctor to see if they can tell him what's wrong and/or what to do about it.

The other woman had no previous sexual partners. There was just one instance where she had unprotected sex with someone else, after which she had protected sex with my boyfriend. Even if she would have contracted HIV, she couldn't have passed it on to my boyfriend as whatever they did was always protected, right?

Condoms do not provide 100% protection against STIs, including HIV, but they DO provide an awful lot of it.

So, really, what everyone who has been or is currently sexually active needs to do is do the best they can to get themselves -- not just one partner, either -- regularly tested for STIs.

There are clinics and healthcare providers in India where unmarried people can get this kind of healthcare. Marie Stopes clinics, as an example, can be a very good place to start, but even general healthcare providers and clinics will usually provide those services regardless of marital status and without parental notification.

If your boyfriend or you aren't sure where to get that kind of care, if you can let us know where you are in India, we're happy to help you find somewhere to go.

But does he REALLY need to get tested ASAP? We haven't ever done anything other than kissing, and I am a virgin. He says he's pretty sure that nothing went wrong with the condom, also, they did it only twice, both times protected. He turns 18 in about 10 months; It'll be easier for him to get tested then. Can you put a number on what could have been his chances for contracting it, considering all the circumstances?

I did not say anyone needed to be tested ASAP.

Rather, when people are sexually active, him, anyone, we need to then start getting in the habit of STI testing, usually around once a year, every year. That is just the standard for preventative sexual healthcare. This is not related to him having a cold or your worries. It is just what everyone ideally should be doing, even if they are in apparent perfect health.

As has already been explained, we cannot possibly say what someone's chances are of contracting any kind of illness or disease without knowing the status of everyone involved. If no one has ever been tested, for HIV or anything else, all that can ever be is a giant question mark.

However, again, condoms do a great job or protecting people from fluid-borne infections like HIV.

Okay. Thank you so much for your help. I'll talk to him about possible avenues to get tested, and even if it isn't possible right now, he can get tested as soon as he becomes an adult. Again, I cant thank you enough for your advice

Sorry for bugging you again, but there's one more question I would like to ask you. Is it possible to get HIV by kissing(not deep kissing) someone who has chapped and possibly bleeding lips while you yourself have chapped lips with some dry blood, just enough blood to be able to taste it when you run your tongue on your lips?

If you were actively pressing open, bleeding areas of lips together (not just chapped lips), it could be possible, but kissing really isn't a way that HIV is known to be transmitted. I think focusing on really unlikely edge-cases like this is just going to make your anxiety worse, especially since you have no evidence that anyone involved here has or has been exposed to HIV to start with.

But even in the unlikely scenario that the other person has HIV, is that miniscule amount of blood in the oral cavity enough to transmit HIV?