I can't have orgasms

[IAmScared]

So the problem is - I can't reach orgasms (I am FTM).Me and my sexual therapist tried everything - special excersises, clitoral vibrator,special medicine for getting aroused,lowering prolactin levels,stoping some medications,different techniques and erection pills.Nothing works. Some doctors think it's because I'm bad mentally,some think it's cause of my pills altogether,and me - I'm desperate.I haven't had an orgasm in 2 years and 8 months. I plan to stop all of my pills SOME DAY,just as an experiment,but that's a problem since I have a deep psychosis,depression and epilepsy. What would you do in my place?

[al]

Hi IAmScared,

I'm sorry to hear that the things that you've tried haven't worked for you, but I'm glad that you have sought out and been working with a professional that specializes in sexual health and wellness. It seems like you've tried a lot of different treatment options with them, without much success. What did they say about that? How do you feel about their approach/working with them? Have you sought any second opinions?

I hear what you're saying about taking psychiatric meds - speaking from my own experience, there are certain meds that come with undesirable side effects (low sex drive, extra high sex drive, low energy, fatigue, etc), but because of the severity of my conditions, I have to take them. Part of going on those meds and taking care of myself has meant that I've kind of had to come to terms with the fact that, for now, certain types of sex or my sex life as I knew it aren't on the table. It's kind of difficult, but ultimately what it came down to was accepting that my body has certain needs and quirks, and that it deserves love and patience and care even if it's not giving me exactly what I want. Have you been able to talk or process what this past few years without orgasm has been like with anyone, like your ST or a general therapist?

As a side note, please don't go off of psychiatric meds abruptly without working with a psychiatrist or mental health professional, especially if they're for things like epilepsy or psychosis. If you've been taking them for a while, stopping suddenly can cause a flareup of things like anxiety, psychosis, or suicidality (not to mention some really nasty withdrawal symptoms). While only you can decide whether or not you want to be on certain meds, MH professionals are the ones who can help you make changes or stop your regimen safely.

I wonder - are there any other ways that you could achieve some of the same benefits of orgasm without actually having one? What do you like about orgasms (e.g. a feeling of release, helps me sleep, etc), and are there any other activities that you do (alone or with others) that give you that as well?

[IAmScared]

I am desperate. Orgasms are really important to me. When I was in mental hospital couple of years ago (I was also this year),doctor told me that it's normal to masturbate on the ward,that everybody does it.And I did it. So much so that my roommate asked me to show him my clitoris.(He was interested cause I was on T so I had big clitoris and he wanted to go on T too,because he was also FTM). I plan to stop medications for 5 weeks but not abrutly,only with the help of my shrinks.And not yet. When I become mentally better. Like in 6 months or a year,depends.


I remember 2 years and 8 months ago,when I had orgasms,thinking "this is better then the best food there is" and "this is amazing,can't wait for my next orgasm".

I think about my inability to orgasm CONSTANTLY. It's always in my mind,upsetting me SO MUCH.It drives me insane. Help

[Heather]

Can you have a go at Al’s last question for you?

Also, have you spoken to your psychiatric team about this? Orgasm can be nice, for sure, but a lack of it having this big an impact on you, you being this focused on it, and all the other issues you have been posting about, like self-harm, suggest much larger issues to me, and things we probably can’t help you very capably with.

[IAmScared]

Yeah sorry lemme answer:

No.Nothing makes me that happy as masturbation with orgasms.I feel so much relief when I orgasm.

I tried everything with my sexual therapist but he now says to combine multiple things of the stuff we tried (that haven't worked) - he gave an example of erection pills + clitoral vibrator. But I doubt it very much.My endocrinologist says it's medications causing me not to orgasm while my mum and my 'regular' psychiatrist say it's my bad mental state.I tend to believe the latter (but I'd still try no meds).

I like my 'regular' psychiatrist more then my sexual therapist.

I don't understand why everything is such a big problem for me.Sometimes I'm feeling like I'm going crazy,only to realize that I already am. Mum should have got another kid that is happy (like my brother who is healthy) instead of me.I wish I was never born.I'm not going to kill myself for various reasons: a) I couldn't do that to my parents
,especially mum
b) I'm scared that I'll end up in diapers or disabled after overdose
c) If I fail mum said another suicide attempt and ur going to a home for mentally ill.

[Sam W]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling as though nothing can act as a substitute for orgasm. If you haven't already done so, you may want to talk to members of your mental healthcare team about that feeling and what activities you could explore to see if they do generate a similar feeling of relief.

Beyond that, it sounds like your best bet is to continue working on this situation with your mental healthcare team. If you haven't already done so, I'd also suggest you bring up those feelings that everything is always a problem for you. While we're glad you feel safe coming here and asking for support, right now it sounds like focusing your energy on the interactions with people who are trained to help you with mental health stuff should be your priority.