Scarleteen

Ok so I’m a 15 year old male and usually I would masturbate every so often whilst I watch porn. But it’s been about 2 months and I want to masturbate but I can’t, I feel disgusted in myself and can’t seem to have the right mental state to. It feels really weird that I haven’t done it in so long and I want to do it because I feel weird and uncomfortable not doing it. Help!

HI Scoobasteve,

I am sorry you are experiencing this.

I will say it's not weird. All of us go through many different phases of feeling uncomfortable with being actively sexual with ourselves. It's often a reflection of our stress levels or whatever feelings of shame we are attaching to masturbation.

It can be that we do just need a break, and we can't always just make ourselves feel ok about something that has so much negativity attached to it at the moment.

Any idea where the feelings of self-disgust are coming from? You mention you don't feel like you are in the right mental state, could you elaborate?

Well basically I really like this girl and feel uncomfortable doing anything with myself I mean usually I can but the past couple of months I just can’t. We’ve known each other for about a year and a bit now and I really like her and we’ve met up a couple times but now that I really wanna talk to her more I can’t beat off. Also I don’t know what to message her. Maybe if I had some communication between her I would feel comfy doing things.

Hey Scoobasteve,

It makes a lot of sense to me that as you are navigating this new romantic interest and experiencing more in that area, your relationship with your sexual self might be in a moment of flux!

A few questions to try to parse out a bit more what's coming up for you: Are you wanting to imagine this crush while masturbating and that is feeling bad (or another feeling)? Are you thinking about her knowing you masturbate and that is making you feel guilty (or another feeling)? Are you feeling high levels of stress or nervousness about the whole situation and that is making you feel less sexual desire?

No matter what, since you really like her, sounds like talking to her (and maybe asking her to meet-up again?) would be a great next step. Do you want some support with that?