Scarleteen

The state I live in (Washington) has an age of consent of 16. I'm currently 14 and will be 15 this year, but my crush is at least 16. I know since he can drive as I've seen him driving when walking home from school. He's a Junior and a mentor to help a group of freshmen (a group including me) with getting settled into high school life. I don't want him to ever get in trouble for me being younger, even though I plan on not really doing anything sexual with a partner until I'm at the age of consent. Though, I'd like to tell a story on why this crush is so strong and ask the question of "how can I tell him?"

For his privacy, I'll call him M. M is a mentor to a group of freshmen I'm in, and he is absolutely gorgeous. Glasses, curly blonde hair, green eyes, and with the dumbest sense of style that is so awkward to a point that it's actually cute, he's the perfect nerdy boy of my dreams. His voice, his attitude, how patient he is when I'm being an idiot, he really is a caring person and he's shown it before.

(trigger warning; suicide)
My school was doing a suicide prevention presentation one day, and I remember this day vividly. I'd already grown to like him and my crush was pretty intense (like I nearly fall over when we make eye contact) but this day was what made me know that he at least seems like a fit partner for a weirdo like myself. I can remember having been faced with bullies earlier in that day, and right when getting out of the presentation, my backpack fell apart. I was struggling to tie together what came undone, my whole day was seeming to just go completely wrong despite it only being 3rd period. That was, until, I heard a familiar voice ask me if I was doing okay. I look up, and I see M. I explain what happened and he offered to carry my backpack to my next class. This heavy backpack that weighs half as much as I do that I struggled to carry normally due to my small size and lack of muscle was now being carried down a flight of stairs to my next class by a boy who I could barely breathe around. We talked about the presentation, and in a classic "Aspen the Awkward" fashion, I ended up oversharing about my experiences with being suicidal before, and he didn't judge me for it. That was the moment I realized this was going from a small but intense crush to a full-blown love story.

I don't have good experience in relationships. My only ever relationship I don't count as one as it lasted three days, I'm consistently rejected by every crush I have, and I tend to be too shy to voice my emotions most of the time. I'm partially scared of telling M my feelings as they've grown stronger than ever lately and though I know he's an understanding person I'm just far too afraid to let him know how much I've fallen for him in the last few months. I barely speak to him other than during our mentor sessions, I'm scared of saying something stupid.

I'm planning to confess near Valentine's day, but I'm scared that my crush being older than me will lead to complications or I'll ruin a possible friendship. Any advice?

Hi Aspen,

So, since you're not planning on being sexual with a partner until you're over the age of consent, the main way in which age could complicate things here is if it leads to some weird power dynamics.

However, before we even get into that, let's talk about how you could share your feelings with M. It can definitely feel intimidating to tell a crush how you feel about them, doubly so when you're sill pretty new to dating (for what it's worth, it's common for people your age to have dated very little or not at all). What can help with that is to brainstorm ways to make the process less intimidating for you. For instance, are you someone for whom writing what you want to say out ahead of time would be helpful? Can you think of a specific thing you'd like to ask him to as a date?

If you haven't already done so, reading this article may help you out too (it's less about asking a crush out, per se, but some of the advice in it may still be relevant to you): Puppy Love: The Do's & Don'ts of Crushes (With Help from a Very Small Dog)