Scarleteen

Hi, Scarleteen!

I have questions. So 2 years ago I dated a guy and had my first sex with him. There were no bloods, and since I’m a very physically active girl, I thought that maybe I just accidentally broke my hymen in the past. For 2 years, we had penetrative sex but just for a minute or two (after that just with hands or oral).

After I broke up with him, I date my boyfriend now. When we had sex for the first time, I bleed a lot! Both of us were surprised because we both knew that we weren’t virgins. I always have penetrative sex with my current boyfriend, not just a minute or two like I did with my ex.

What I want to ask:
1. Is that possible? How to explain that occurrences?
2. Does male’s size and duration matter?

Thank you so much!

Hi SophieAdams30, and welcome to Scarleteen!

It's actually a myth that blood is an expected part of having sex for the first time - usually, the presence of blood means that the tissues of the vagina have been torn or injured, because of a lack of lubrication or too much force. So it can happen anytime, not just the first time that you have sex. The idea that you have to bleed the first time you have sex, or even the idea of virginity, were socially constructed by folks who didn't have a whole lot of knowledge or care for vaginas. Magical Cups and Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context gives some really good background info as to how those myths came around, and how they can be damaging to our modern day expectations surrounding sex and our bodies. The hymen, for that matter, has a whole lot of myths and misconceptions surrounding it, so you might also enjoy reading My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen and the Myths That Surround it.

As for your partner's size, it's possible that it could factor in, but the vagina tends to expand during arousal, so barring extreme exceptions, it doesn't tend to cause issues unless there's something else going on (i.e. not enough lubrication, not aroused enough, taking things too quickly). With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body goes into more detail about how exactly our parts change and play a part in arousal and sexual pleasure.

And now, a couple of questions for you - how did it feel when you had sex with your first boyfriend? Good? Painful at all? How about your boyfriend now?
Also, are you using any kinds of contraceptives or barrier methods if pregnancies or STI transmission are a possibility?

Hi, al!
Thank you so much for your answer.

To your question, with my first boyfriend it was hurt actually. With my second boyfriend, it was hurt at first but good afterwards. I believe it’s just because lack of lubricity. And to give addition, me and my current boyfriend always use condoms because that’s the only contraception in my country that is available in store (if we want to buy pills or else, we need prescription).

Once again, thank you Al!