I don't enjoy life

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IAmScared
not a newbie
Posts: 83
Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2019 12:29 pm
Age: 30
Pronouns: He/Him/His
Location: Croatia

I don't enjoy life

Unread post by IAmScared »

I am miserable. I have psychosis and am paranoid. I have borderline personality disorder. I hate anorgasmia. Everything makes me unhappy or angry. I burned my hand with a lighter couple of days ago. I hate taking pills. I hate that I can't be normal - have a boyfriend,friends,family,job. I hate my fetish because I feel so guilty about it. And disgusting. I like doing certain things but I don't anymore because people think it's weird. I wanna be normal. I am constantly in and out of mental hospital because of psychosis and depression. I wish I was never born. What would you do in my place?
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Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: I don't enjoy life

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi IAmScared,

Those sound like some really intense, difficult feelings to be dealing with and I'm sorry you're experiencing them. As I've mentioned before we're not able offer mental healthcare, which it sounds like is what you need. If you haven't already done so, I would bring up the resurgence of these feelings with your therapist and ask them to help you make a safety plan.

If you're feeling the urge to hurt yourself, the most sound advice I can give you is to go to an emergency room and explain the situation to them. That way you can keep yourself safe and hopefully get some additional support and care.

Going forward, my ask is that you not make posts that are basically expressing suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation is something that is far, far outside of our remit. When you post about it, we can do very little to help with the situation because if you are seriously at risk, calling emergency services and suicide hotlines are the correct course of action. If it's more you're musing on suicide in front of us, that puts us under a lot of pressure which make our jobs harder, and it also might be a cue for folks reading it who have their own traumatic histories around that topic (I don't say that to guilt you, but more to explain why we set this limit).
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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