Bleeding after losing virginity

[ellebnz]

I lost my virginity last Jan. 26 with my boyfriend. We had a hard time putting it in and it ended up hurting for me when he did put it in. After a while, we just stopped because I couldn’t handle the pain. And then we saw that I bled, we thought it was my hymen breaking so I didn’t worry that much. I thought the bleeding would stop after that day but I still have bright red bleeding, but there’s no pain. Initially, I thought it might have been becaue it was a bit rushed, I wasn’t lubricated enough, or it was too aggressive. I’m worried that this could be a serious thing but I can’t inform my parents about it because they don’t know I’ve done this and they would kill me if they knew. Please help me.

[Sam W]

Hi ellebnz,

We can't say for certain why you're still bleeding, but given what you described a likely reason is that you tore or scratched something during sex and it's still bleeding a bit. It should start healing within a day or two, but if it doesn't (and the bleeding doesn't turn out to be your period), then you may have to check in with a healthcare provider. Too, do you think there'd be serious consequences if your parents found out you were sexually active?

Painful sex can happen for a variety of reasons, and you mentioned some of the most common ones (not enough lube, being rushed and not relaxing enough). You can read more about those here: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse . If you're planning on being sexual with your boyfriend again, have you two talked about the steps you'll take to avoid it being painful?

Since you mentioned the hymen, you may also want to check out this piece. It talks about some common myths about the hymen, including the idea that vaginal sex is supposed to hurt the first time due to the hymen being torn: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It

[ellebnz]

Yes, I do think there would be serious consequences. They’ve always been supportive of me but they’re quite religious and they have told me that they don’t want me to engage in pre-marital sex.

I have talked to my boyfriend about this and we discussed about what we can improve or change from this experience. We also decided that we’d wait until I was fully ready.

My boyfriend has tried foreplay before but it never worked out for me, I don’t feel much from what he does. I think he just doesn’t really know what to do.

Anyways, I will wait a couple days and I’ll see whether or not the bleeding will stop. I will update if anything comes up. I really hope it’s nothing serious. Thank you!

[Sam W]

You're welcome! I will say that if you genuinely feel that you can't risk whatever the outcome of your parents finding out would be, that's a sign that it's best to hold off on being sexual until you're in a place where you are comfortable with that risk. This article gives a little more detail as to why that may be a sound choice: Sorting Maybe from Can't-Be: Reality Checking Partnered Sex Wants & Ideals

With foreplay, are there things that you know turn you on or make you feel good that you could suggest your boyfriend try? For instance, are there things you do when you masturbate that you could tell him about?

[ellebnz]

I have tried clitoral stimulation and it does feel good but I never get to finish. I haven’t masturbated a lot in the past, I’ve only recently started doing it once I was with my boyfriend. I’m still learning what pleasures me since it seems quite difficult to know what actually does. Fingering also doesn’t make me feel much, so I opt to clitoral stimulation but that also could only do so much.

[Sam W]

Got it. If you've only recently started masturbating, it makes sense that you're still figuring what things feel good (if you're curious about things to try, you may find this article on masturbation useful: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... sturbation ). It may also help to remember that what you do to get aroused for sex doesn't have to involve genitals. For instance, some people find kissing or having their partner give them a massage helps them get in the mood, so you and your boyfriend could experiment with things like that if you haven't already done so.

[ellebnz]

Alright, thank you so much for the help! I’ll update regarding the bleeding after a few days.