Hello,
My boyfriend and I have had just starting having sex but honestly I don't really feel like i am ready to. I said that it would be okay because I could tell he really wants to. Every time we do have sex he tells me after that he can tell that I am uncomfortable and don't like it and he gets frustrated with this. I don't know how to communicate that i don't want to do it. I have told him that i dont like it but he seems to not understand. Also, If i don't allow him to touch me or do certain things he gets upset. When he asks if we can i feel like i always have to say yes and if I do say no he gets upset. How can I communicate better?
sex
-
Jacob
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 1192
- Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am
- Age: 35
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: They
- Location: Leeds UK
Re: sex
Hi sw1234!
I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds really frustrating.
I have to say that from what you have said here I don't think your communication is the problem. Carrying on with having sex when he knows you aren't enjoying it and are uncomfortable is not an okay thing for him to do at all and sounds very disrespectful of him towards you and your needs.
Have you spoken to anyone else about this? And can I ask what have you been thinking about the relationship?
It seems to me that having some distance from him would be a really good option but I don't if that's something you've considered.
I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds really frustrating.
I have to say that from what you have said here I don't think your communication is the problem. Carrying on with having sex when he knows you aren't enjoying it and are uncomfortable is not an okay thing for him to do at all and sounds very disrespectful of him towards you and your needs.
Have you spoken to anyone else about this? And can I ask what have you been thinking about the relationship?
It seems to me that having some distance from him would be a really good option but I don't if that's something you've considered.
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
-
AngelColvin
- not a newbie
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:03 am
- Age: 40
- Pronouns: He
- Sexual identity: Straight
- Location: Hamilton (Steuben), IN
Re: sex
I agree with Jacob that it is disrespectful of him towards you and your needs.
I think you should talk to him seriously about your feelings.
Talking with a partner about different problems is absolutely normal. Moreover, I believe that it is necessary for the relationship.
If you do not do it, he will never know why you look uncomfortable after sex. Silence can only aggravate the situation.
Just talk to him, there is nothing to be scared about.
I think you should talk to him seriously about your feelings.
Talking with a partner about different problems is absolutely normal. Moreover, I believe that it is necessary for the relationship.
If you do not do it, he will never know why you look uncomfortable after sex. Silence can only aggravate the situation.
Just talk to him, there is nothing to be scared about.
-
Mo
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 2287
- Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him, they/them
- Sexual identity: queer/bisexual
Re: sex
I do think it's important to note, in light of AngelColvin's comment above, that your partner doesn't need to know WHY you feel uncomfortable to respect that discomfort. He knows you're uncomfortable, you've told him you don't like sex so he knows that - he has all the information he needs to make better choices and step way back from any sort of sexual activity.
As Jacob said, I don't think your communication is the issue here; sadly, it sounds like he's making the decision to actively ignore your discomfort and pressure you into sex.
As Jacob said, I don't think your communication is the issue here; sadly, it sounds like he's making the decision to actively ignore your discomfort and pressure you into sex.