Scarleteen

I am embarrass to get a STI test, advice?

Hi Tommy, Tommy,

You're certainly not the first person to feel that way about getting tested, so let's see what we can do to help you manage that feeling so you can look after your sexual health. Can you give me a sense of what, specifically, about getting tested is embarrassing to you?

Sam W wrote:Hi Tommy, Tommy,

You're certainly not the first person to feel that way about getting tested, so let's see what we can do to help you manage that feeling so you can look after your sexual health. Can you give me a sense of what, specifically, about getting tested is embarrassing to you?

Because I feel shame about why I need to get tested. Because, because of my ‘sexual history’ I feel ashamed about how I may have gotten the STI.

Also, I am scared of answering them, when they ask me whenever or not I have been in the past sexual Active, because the answer is yes.

Also, I am afraid of being judged for getting tested because of my age from the clinic staff. Also, I am afraid that my parents will judge me for my sexual history.

I have found a youth friendly clinic, that will provide testing for free, and that I can get to on public transportation, by youth friendly, I mean did they provide testing without parental consent or notification, and they provide it confidentially. But I am still feel kind of awkward to talk to the clinic staff about my sexual Health history.

I'm glad to hear you've found a clinic that is making the process seem less intimidating!

There are a few things to keep in mind that might help the conversations feel less awkward or imposing. One is that sexual healthcare providers are trained to talk with clients about their sexual history without judgement. When they ask questions about your sexual history, they're not doing it to decide whether you should be ashamed of what you've done; they're doing it because it helps them figure out what type of healthcare they need to offer you. Does that make sense?

Too, they're unlikely to grill you about your sexual history. They just need to know enough to figure out why you're there and what to test for. This article offers a nice overview of what to expect from that conversation: Testing, Testing...

Sam W wrote:I'm glad to hear you've found a clinic that is making the process seem less intimidating!

There are a few things to keep in mind that might help the conversations feel less awkward or imposing. One is that sexual healthcare providers are trained to talk with clients about their sexual history without judgement. When they ask questions about your sexual history, they're not doing it to decide whether you should be ashamed of what you've done; they're doing it because it helps them figure out what type of healthcare they need to offer you. Does that make sense?

Too, they're unlikely to grill you about your sexual history. They just need to know enough to figure out why you're there and what to test for. This article offers a nice overview of what to expect from that conversation: Testing, Testing...

I am concerned that because I am so young, (14) they will judge me! I don’t know if they have ever dealt with teenagers before, and don’t want to be judged.

Hey Tommy,

I wonder if you could text them or call them before you go to say "I'm 14 and I'm scared I'll be judged if I come for testing"

My guess is they'll be really reassuring... a big proportion of STI diagnoses happen among people in their teens and an STI clinic will almost certainly be focused on trying to help that problem. From their perspective, and any public health minded organisation, the more people of every age who get tested the better.

Jacob wrote:Hey Tommy,

I wonder if you could text them or call them before you go to say "I'm 14 and I'm scared I'll be judged if I come for testing"

My guess is they'll be really reassuring... a big proportion of STI diagnoses happen among people in their teens and an STI clinic will almost certainly be focused on trying to help that problem. From their perspective, and any public health minded organisation, the more people of every age who get tested the better.

Is there anyone I could bring to make the process seem less intimidating, I will not be involving my parents, but is there anyone else I could bring? Can we brainstorm that?

Also, I would like to talk though my choice not to involve my parents! I feel bad about my choice not to tell my parents about getting tested, but I know that my parents would judge me, and be very anger if they found out that I needed Testing, and I don’t think they would let me get tested. In fact, I think they would ground/punish me for getting tested.

It does suck that your parents would be unsupportive. Can I ask why you think you'd feel guilty about not telling them?

We don't always tell our family everything about our healthcare and sexuality. It can be nice if they are respectfully supportive, but that isn't always possible or comfortable.

My first guess as a good person to take with you could be a friend... do you have any friends you could ask?

Jacob wrote:It does suck that your parents would be unsupportive. Can I ask why you think you'd feel guilty about not telling them?

We don't always tell our family everything about our healthcare and sexuality. It can be nice if they are respectfully supportive, but that isn't always possible or comfortable.

My first guess as a good person to take with you could be a friend... do you have any friends you could ask?

I have a friend who is my age, But I have talked to him, but I have tried talking to him, and he just yelled at me about I am committing a sin, and how if I have a STI, I should live with it and not get tested. I dropped the subject after that, because I have been struggling with my faith and my sexuality for years, (I have written about that A LOT on this site about that) and the last thing I need is more yelling at. I have been trying to move on from past sexual experiences in the past, and make my faith work.

Anyways, I have a couple other good friends who I can ask. There is one friend who has come to past doctor appointments, but none of them has been for STI testing. He has said he would go to any doctor appointments that i had, but I don’t know if he would go to a STI test with me! Advice?

Anyone else I could Bring?

Also, I feel bad because I am going behind my parents back, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Yep that friend sounds like a bad choice!

Your second friend sounds like another good person to ask though!

The clinic might also offer a service of meeting you outside and walking you in. I also don't know if there are any other youth services in your area and what services they provide.

The clinic feels like a good choice to me, they will have some insight about what's available in terms of someone meeting you beforehand.

Jacob wrote:Yep that friend sounds like a bad choice!

Your second friend sounds like another good person to ask though!

The clinic might also offer a service of meeting you outside and walking you in. I also don't know if there are any other youth services in your area and what services they provide.

The clinic feels like a good choice to me, they will have some insight about what's available in terms of someone meeting you beforehand.

I am concerned that my second friend will judge me?

Jacob wrote:Yep that friend sounds like a bad choice!

Your second friend sounds like another good person to ask though!

The clinic might also offer a service of meeting you outside and walking you in. I also don't know if there are any other youth services in your area and what services they provide.

The clinic feels like a good choice to me, they will have some insight about what's available in terms of someone meeting you beforehand.

Is there any way I can talk to my parents, any advice on how to have that talk?

Also, will my school be able to help me?

Hmm, I think you have been quite clear here that you want to get tested because you have been sexually active but you want to be responsible and get tested as part of looking after your health. So I think expressing this to them is the best you can do.

After that, I'm not sure you can control their reactions. Emphasising that you want to tell them because you want to be responsible and you are trusting them could demonstrate your maturity. It's just difficult for me to judge from here if it will be enough.

It might be good to get it out there. If they ground you and punish you in some way, so long as you feel safe (if embarassed) it could feel good that you have been honest. If it means you can't access the testing you're seeking though, you will have to acknowledge that that is a possibility.

That said they might still support you to get testing. Even if it feels unlikely. I would hope they would at least care for your health.

Regarding your friend judging you, I'm afraid that's the same again. We can't make people be supportive if they are not going to be, but we can take the risk of trusting them and giving them the opportunity to show us they can be good friends to us... if they let us down, that is on them.

Does your school have any confidential help they can provide, like a school counsellor? You could ask them what their policies are.

Jacob wrote:Hmm, I think you have been quite clear here that you want to get tested because you have been sexually active but you want to be responsible and get tested as part of looking after your health. So I think expressing this to them is the best you can do.

After that, I'm not sure you can control their reactions. Emphasising that you want to tell them because you want to be responsible and you are trusting them could demonstrate your maturity. It's just difficult for me to judge from here if it will be enough.

It might be good to get it out there. If they ground you and punish you in some way, so long as you feel safe (if embarassed) it could feel good that you have been honest. If it means you can't access the testing you're seeking though, you will have to acknowledge that that is a possibility.

That said they might still support you to get testing. Even if it feels unlikely. I would hope they would at least care for your health.

Regarding your friend judging you, I'm afraid that's the same again. We can't make people be supportive if they are not going to be, but we can take the risk of trusting them and giving them the opportunity to show us they can be good friends to us... if they let us down, that is on them.

I may get tested and then tell them, so that if Get in trouble, I will already have been tested.

If that feels like the best order of operations, and the one that ensures you still get the healthcare you need, then I say that's the process you should go for.

Are there other parts of this situation you'd like help or advice on right now?

It sounds like your best bet may be to just tell the staff at the clinic how you're feeling: know that that staff can, themselves, be supportive of you, and if they're like most sexual clinical staff, they will be even without that ask.

Know that clinical staff in these settings are very used to patients feeling like you are: they know how it can feel and they also know how to be supportive. I know it's intimidating, but I'd suggest you have some faith in people doing their jobs well, especially in this area of healthcare. So often people choose this area expressly because they know how important it is, but also know how difficult it can be for people to feel comfortable and capable.

Jacob wrote:Hmm, I think you have been quite clear here that you want to get tested because you have been sexually active but you want to be responsible and get tested as part of looking after your health. So I think expressing this to them is the best you can do.

After that, I'm not sure you can control their reactions. Emphasising that you want to tell them because you want to be responsible and you are trusting them could demonstrate your maturity. It's just difficult for me to judge from here if it will be enough.

It might be good to get it out there. If they ground you and punish you in some way, so long as you feel safe (if embarassed) it could feel good that you have been honest. If it means you can't access the testing you're seeking though, you will have to acknowledge that that is a possibility.

That said they might still support you to get testing. Even if it feels unlikely. I would hope they would at least care for your health.

Regarding your friend judging you, I'm afraid that's the same again. We can't make people be supportive if they are not going to be, but we can take the risk of trusting them and giving them the opportunity to show us they can be good friends to us... if they let us down, that is on them.

Does your school have any confidential help they can provide, like a school counsellor? You could ask them what their policies are.

My school said that they don’t have to tell my parents unless I or someone else is in danger! My school has a sexual education teacher, and a school nurse, and a guidance counselor, which one would be the best choice to ask for advice?

Sam W wrote:If that feels like the best order of operations, and the one that ensures you still get the healthcare you need, then I say that's the process you should go for.

Are there other parts of this situation you'd like help or advice on right now?

I am curious, are STI’s common for teenage boys?

Hi Tommy, Tommy,

Sounds like you've identified 3 possible people at the school to speak to. I would think that the best choice depends on who you feel most comfortable talking to as a person.

About half of new STI cases are found in young people, so while they aren't as common as, say, a cold they certainly aren't unusual.