What is going on with my therapist?

[Jasmine77]

This man, who is my therapist, had said something to me that made me feel uncertain about how he views me. I had told him once that I liked him as a therapist. Right after I had made that comment, he told me that he was glad that I had said that and that I’ve always been his favorite client. Another time, I was getting ready to leave a session and he said, “I hope you enjoy this warm weather, such as yourself”. Then he quickly fixed what he had said by saying, “such as today”. He also tries to find things in common with me. For example, I had told him that I was Greek. Then, he told me that he was Greek too even though he has told me multiple times in the past that he only has Swedish ancestry. Sometimes, with some of the things that I’m interested in, he’d apply some of my interests into his life that he’s never been interested in before. For example, if I was really into astrology, he’d start getting into astrology too.

I’m also in group therapy with him. During these group therapy sessions, he’d would always try to sit next to me even when there were other seats open and available for him to sit in next to other clients. I would try to sit somewhere else to see if he’d would follow me and he never fails to sit next to me. If he isn’t able to sit next to me at all, he’ll stare at me for a long time after the session is over and as I’m getting myself ready to leave. He also mirrors my body language while he’s looking and listening to other people within the group. If I sit back in my chair, he sits back in his chair a 3 seconds later. Or , if I rest my hand by my neck, he’ll do the same right after me.

I also asked him if he has ever thought of me as annoying. He’s said that I never was to him. But, I remember times when I was annoying and I pointed it out to him with examples from the past, which were true. Yet, he still says that I’m not and refuses to think so. He’s even said that out of all of his other clients, who are annoying or a bother to him, that it’s never been the case with me. He’d even sometimes talks about his wife to me and says that she even annoys him with the things that she does and he thinks that he annoys her at times. But, he has said some positive things about her as well. Although, I can see how the annoyance levels can increase when you’re around your spouse all of the time. But then, he also said that he believes that I don’t think of him as annoying.

It also makes me wonder how he could see me as not being annoying at all, but when it comes to his other clients, he finds them to be annoying and bothersome.

Why does he think that I’m never annoying and thinks that others are annoying?

Also, he and I gave each other a close hug. He gave me the criss-cross hug (one arm wrapped around my shoulder and the other wrapped under my shoulder). I hugged him tight, then he hugged me tight. After the hug, he started talking to me and his breathing became heavy and his voice was shaky. He’s married and I’m single.

Why is he doing all of this?

[Mo]

Hi Jasmine, and welcome to Scarleteen.
I think you're right to be questioning some of your therapist's actions, because it doesn't sound like he's behaving appropriately in a lot of situations. To be clear: it's just not ok for a therapist to talk to you about his marriage or personal life; therapists need to be really good about maintaining very clear boundaries between their personal and professional lives, and between clients and friends, and it doesn't sound like he's managing this at all.

Some amount of reflecting someone's body language or interests could be ok in a therapy situation, but the fact that your therapist seems to be singling you out for attention in group settings and is telling you different things about himself based on what you've revealed about yourself feels really uncomfortable to me.

Are you able to see someone else for therapy, in your personal sessions at least? I worry that someone who's this loose with professional boundaries just isn't going to be a helpful person to work with, and I also worry that this could be setting groundwork for him to be even more inappropriate in the future.