Scarleteen

Hey guys,

So I wasn't sure exactly where to ask this besides here as I know you guys are very open-minded and all questions are serious questions. This also concerns healthy choices, so I guess I'm in the right place anyway...

We bought my husband a toy a while ago, fleshlight type. Unfortunately, he's not as OCD about keeping it clean as I am with my stuff. He's now telling me that there is mold on the inside part of the toy and he couldn't get it out. He wants me to just toss it.

So my question is, is it worth saving? IS there something I can do to get rid of that mold without destroying the toy or putting my husband's and my health at risk?

Hi there TheConfusedOne,

While I hate to be the bearer of bad news, I think your husband has the right instinct in this situation. Because of the way that fleshlights are designed, there really is no way to get in there and ensure that every single bit of whatever's growing in there is eliminated. Although it sucks to have to buy a new one, it's probably worth avoiding the risk of getting a bacterial or fungal infection from using it.

I hope this helps!

Thanks for the quick reply, Al.

While that helps with my decision with this current one, what about the next toy we get, if we get another? What can I push him to do to keep it clean and dry and NOT leaving it in the shower (ewww)? A thin bottle brush and a special pouch for him? lol

I have a feeling he REALLY likes it because he completely left the decision to toss it to me. His words "YOU should toss it". I am very tempted to refuse to let him get another atm. Is this problem just something that all fleshlights will eventually have due to the design and can't be avoided?

Hi ConfusedOne,

From what I understand, the key to avoiding this issue seems to be cleaning it after every use, and storing it in a way that allows it to dry thoroughly (so no, a shower is definitely not the right place for it). If you search "cleaning a fleshlight", there are quite a few blogs and sites out there that have step-by-step instructions for best practices.

It seems like this was originally your husband's issue, and by giving you the responsibility to throw it away, he's made it yours to deal with. How has this process made you feel? Have you talked to him about it beyond just the logistical aspects? Is there a reason why you would be the one to buy another fleshlight (if that was the next step)?

I kind of feel disappointment, I suppose. I have not talked to him yet as he only told me about the mold a few hours ago (and it's 2am right now... I should be asleep LOL). I also don't feel like he's made the issue mine to deal with, more like he feels bad throwing it out because he likes it so much. He's not really a um... I guess some people would call it "kinky" kind of person? He's not really vanilla, just... inexperienced in a way? So am I, really. We both have heard of and read (me, really) about things like this, but we're both very new in terms of actually exploring. I was the one who pushed him to try a fleshlight. I had dreams of one day being able to afford buying him a more expensive baddragon type fleshlight as a surprise present and wanted to know if he would actually enjoy such a thing...

So now that I know, I feel disappointed that I don't think I can trust him with the cleanliness of his next toy. Of course, it could just be ignorance on cleaning methods with such a toy. Mine are all easy, rinse, soap, rinse, pat, store lol.

It sounds to me like this issue could perhaps be solved by you not being the person to buy him toys OR be -- excuse my putting it this way, I just don't really know how else to put it -- the mommy of his toys and their care and cleanup.

I'd strongly suggest a your-toy-your-care-of-it policy for toys you don't share with a partner. It's his, and you're not using it, so he should be taking care of it, and if and when he doesn't, it's his to get rid of and it's on him to get himself another one if he wants a new one.

That definitely sounds doable. I already left the toy's care in his hands, I can most definitely leave the tossing to him. I suppose only gifts I can get him in this area would be stuff to be used on me only lol

Thank you, Heather

Sure thing. Sometimes the "secret" to relationships is just plain old minding your own business.