Regretting A Threesome With A friend

[IloveCardi]

A while ago I was talking to this girl on Instagram and she invited me to her party that she threw a while ago. I went to the party and thought she was cool and pretty as hell. At the time I was in a relation ship and was mad at my boyfriend for flirting with other girls! At the party my friend that invited me ended up having a threesome and wanted me to get involved but I didn’t because I was still in a relationship.. After that she invited me out but I couldn’t come. So yesterday she said she was gonna go to a party and I wanted to come. So she asked for my address , I gave it to her and she picked me up with her boyfriend that I never knew about and then told me we might not go to the party anymore. I kinda felt weird about that.. So we went to his house and I kinda felt like she was being all distant and rude. As soon as I got to his house I told her I felt uncomfortable and she told me I could leave. But I didn’t wanna leave cause I just got there and I was a little far from home. We ended up drinking and smoking and they had their little inside jokes and me and made me feel weird. When it was night time she took her clothes off and said I couldn’t wear my outside clothes on the bed, I didn’t wanna do it but I felt pressured. She ended up touching me up and stuff and she kissed me and I moved her mouth from me because she had a threesome with different people at the last party and felt like this was normal to her. She got mad because I did that and her boyfriend kept touching me and she said he kept getting hard because of me.. At one point she told him she wanted to fight me and started acting crazy and it just made me so uncomfortable because I was tipsy and didn’t really know her too too well. When I would talk to her she would ignore me and be rude. So I left in the morning , I asked for a ride and they said they couldn’t drop me back so I left and stook my middle finger at her for being mean the whole night. She got up and tried to fight me but her boyfriend was holding her down lool. I left and out of anger I told her boyfriend how she cheated on him at the last party and to watch out for her ! She’s now saying when she sees me she’s gonna fight me and her boyfriend is trying to talk to me. I’m just sad , I honestly came out for her and she was an asshole the whole night.

[Siân]

Hi IloveCardi,

I'm so sorry to that you had to go through this. It sounds to me like this person pressured and manipulated you and didn't listen when you said no. That doesn't sound like a threesome to me, that sounds like sexual assault. A threesome - or any kind of sex - is only that when everyone there is doing it because they WANT to be and have said YES without any pressure. This girl and her boyfriend did not respect that. I hope that you know it's not your fault.

No wonder that you're sad, you were hoping for a fun evening with someone you liked, and instead they crossed all kinds of boundaries and didn't show any basic decency in looking after your comfort or wellbeing.

You talk about her threatening to fight you, are you worried she might try to follow through with that? If so, do you have a plan for keeping yourself safe?

How can we best support you right now? We're here to talk about whatever you need, including making a plan for what to do now if that's what you want.

[IloveCardi]

Thanks for replying, you’re totally awesome! I just feel so sad and can’t believe what happened. And yes , I’m somewhat worried & not sure what to do about that.

[Sam W]

Hi IloveCardi,

Those are all completely understandable things to feel given what happened. Have you been able to set aside any time to take care of yourself? And have you told anyone else what went on or asked for support from other friends or family?

In terms of your safety, am I correct in that this isn't someone who goes to school with you? And is she someone you run into fairly often on accident, or only when she seeks you out?