Girls, am I right to be worried, or am I overreacting?

[Chaz16]

I'm 17...and yeah I've been the player type. So have most of my friends. Thing is....theyve gotten slapped by at least one cute girl they tried to play game on. NONE have blocked or ducked it. 0. Ive laughed at em on the couple times Ive seen it happen, cuz its never happened to me. None have tried. I SWORE when I saw it happen to them it couldnt happen to me cuz Id block her hand out. I dont mean hit back, nothing like that. I always just thought if 1 tried Id step up, block her good hand smack and be all . Easy! I don't know a single karate move at all though. None. I'm just...pretty athletic. Well I saw this cute brunette slap the CRAP outta my best friend, and he's a player too. I thought for SURE he'd block it, but her right hand came around in a circle and her smack hit him perfect...he was like "unnnhh..OWWWW!" I asked him how come he didn't block it and he was all....her big booty, cute face...he was frozen and he cant! He didn't wanna talk about it. Well I didnt admit it...but now I'm REALLY worried! I'm with this cute blonde girl now, and I DON'T wanna end up against her like my best friend did against that brunette! Awwgh, I WISH I knew karate moves, ugh! I don't know any! It hasn't happened to me, and I know I bragged before....aww...am I right to be worried now, or am I overreacting?

[Jacob]

Hey Chaz!

A few things here...

It sounds like the ways you and your friends have been playing games as you put it has been upsetting people, and they've shown real upset and anger. I don't think it's okay for anyone to hit anyone else, and it's worrying that that has become a normal thing.

My challenge to you is to see if you can be a change in your social circle. Laughing at guys who've been hit, or laughing at girls who've been manipulated and tried to express how upset they are by that, just reminds those girls that their feelings don't matter as much as their looks or their hair color. The fact that they've lashed out just makes me think that they are desperately trying to be heard, laughing at them just makes it worse. Think about how it might feel to have people you care about find ways to tell you that they don't care about you every day.

So I do think you are right to be worried but for different reasons. I think it's worth being very concerned that in future years you might deeply regret how much you and your friendship group may have hurt each other. These can be forms of pain that people carry with them for a very long time.

In this situation it feels to me like you can combat the turn to aggression by taking the feelings of people seriously while you are dating them and when that dating comes to an end, before it becomes physically aggressive.

If instead of laughing you said "Whoa, I know you're hurting, and his behaviour wasn't cool, but hitting people is not okay!" - how much difference could that make?

If you can show the people you date that you will be honest with them and listen to them then if you come to break up they may feel they can tell how upset they are and that you can feel it with empathy.