Scarleteen

So, my boyfriend recently revealed to me that he sent nudes to another guy. He did not tell me he was going to do this. He didn't let me know what was up AT ALL. He had talked to the guys about a week prior to doing it, just talking about life and stuff. The night it happened, I was asleep. After I had fallen asleep, he had started talking to the guy about wanting to do psychedelics and all that. My boyfriend took a shower, and he snapchatted the guy a picture of him that showed his face and chest. The guy commented on my boyfriend, and the guy said my boyfriend's chest was hairy. My boyfriend said that he hated it. Later, the guy had told my boyfriend that he could send my boyfriend a picture of something hairy, referring to his d*ck. My boyfriend and him shared, and my boyfriend had recorded a video of himself cumming and sent it to him. The boy had sent a picture back of cum on his own chest.

Now, my boyfriend is not on the same page with me at all. He made some discussions on Reddit of how his opinion of sending nudes and my opinion of sending nudes are completely different. He is totally wrong. I wouldn't mind if he sent nudes IF HE ASKED ME. I'm not mad that he did the action itself. I'm mad because he just didn't tell me. Now, I don't know if I would be okay with him sending nudes to anyone else at all. He tried to say that the boundaries in our relationship weren't defined, but isn't that reason enough to not do things that we haven't discussed in our relationship?

I honestly don't know what to do. Can someone help?

Hi loquenosabes,

I'm sorry that your boyfriend has been so dismissive of your concerns! It sounds like you've done well to raise this with him and tell him that you're upset.

If you didn't talk about what exclusivity and boundaries your relationship had before hand then yes, that information could have been unclear to him. However, it still matters how you felt about it, how he reacted and how you go forward from here.

Do you feel like your boyfriend has acknowledged and shown he understands that you are upset? That seems like an important factor to me.

I'm also hearing you hint that you'd like this to be exclusive from now on... specifically in digital situations. Is that something you have spoken to him about?