Scarleteen

My boyfriend and I are both still in highschool, however he is a senior, and I am a sophomore. His parents are very okay with the idea of us having sex, they allow me to stay over whenever I want. Small town, so he has several cousins that go to our school. At a sports practice, one of his cousins comes up to me asking about us having sex and when I told her I felt uncomfortable talking with her about it, she told me that his mom is the one who tells her all about it. I don’t like that his mom shared this with my peers at my school, but am torn as to whether or not I should talk to him about it. His family is already not close, and I’m afraid of drawing a worse wedge. But I also don’t like that, and feel like he should know. Tips on that conversation?

Hi Smoky1110,

It sounds like you did a good job of setting a boundary in the conversation with his cousin! Since this is bothering you, and it's something you and he could set some joint boundaries around, I think it's worth having a conversation with your boyfriend about this. You could tell him about the exchange with his cousin, that you aren't comfortable with people asking you about your sex life, and that the possibility that his mom is sharing that information with other family members bothers you. It may also help to, before you go into that conversation, figure out what you're hoping the outcome of having it will be. For instance, are you hoping he'll ask his mom or his cousin to stop talking about this? Do you want to make sure the two of you are on the same page when it comes to who you talk about this topic with? Do you mostly just want him to know the exchange with his cousin happened and it left you feeling not-great? Something else?