should there pleasure during sex?

[Tassha1223]

Dear all, when I first heard about sex I assumed that pretty much female orgasms are hard to reach. So I was not really surprised that penetration, oral or even mutual masturbation doesn't feel pleasurable. Recently, my friend lost her virginity and keeps telling me how great it feels. How come I can't feel that during sex? Is there something wrong with me physically?

[Heather]

Unless you're trying to get pregnant, usually pleasure is why most people have sex most of the time. That and as a way to be intimate with sexual partners. Orgasm is often part of that, but orgasm lasts for seconds: for most people, pleasure with sex is about much more than just orgasm.

This probably isn't about something being wrong with you or your body. Often, people first learn about pleasure with sexual activity not with a partner, but with masturbation. Is that something you do? If so, do you enjoy that?

Can I also check in with you and ask what's going on with sex with partners when it isn't feeling good for you? Do you say anything, like asking a partner to try and do something differently they're doing to try and get to a place where what you're doing is feeling good to you?