The First, and I'm Scared

[Min]

I'm 19 and it's the first time I've explored down there. I grew up in a conservative family, the whole nation in general, and so sex is really like a taboo subject. And school didn't help with sex ed, at all. The real reason why I really did it started a few years back in my last years of high school. I was the innocent one, always the one, and it got me hard and I got really sick being called that so I tried watching porn for the first time. It didn't end well with me I downgraded to a lighter version, reading. Until now I still read a lot of smut but I'm still that innocent person in all groups (partly because I'm a little slow when the subject about sex is involved, but mostly really is that they expect me not to know) and it came to this extent of masturbating for the first time.

When I first masturbated, It felt weird because I didn't really know what to expect. All I know is that I didn't feel any pleasure, more like just an itch that got scratched. I tried going further but it hurt, got frustrated and, embarrassingly, cried about why I did it or why it didn't feel good. (I'm a really sensitive person and I overthink all situations at a normal basis). But I don't really regret doing it, I'm just frustrated for not getting what I expected and not knowing what to do. It would be lovely to have some advice in my situation, on how start in general, and maybe a little knock in my head that doing it is not the worst sin (please).

[Sam W]

Hi Min,

I promise, there is nothing wrong or bad about masturbating; it's something that basically everyone does and is a normal part of getting to know your body. You're also not the first person to find masturbation doesn't feel like you expect it to (if you read through the boards a bit, you'll notice multiple people asking about a similar situation). If you haven't already done so, how about taking a look at this article: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation? It covers several of your concerns, including different ways of masturbating you could try to find what works for you.

How are you feeling about being labeled the "innocent" one in your friend group? Do you notice that label, or wanting to be rid of it, driving your behavior or your choices sometimes?

[Min]

Thank you for replying! To be honest, maybe somewhere in the middle of wanting to get rid of it and also noticing that I am the less knowledgeable about said topic. I'm definitely not innocent but I can admit that I'm really slow at catching up with conversations. I also noticed (they actually pointed it out too) that whenever they tell a story about it, even if it's just about kissing, that I get so shy and red. I'm not new to reading stuff like that but hearing is definitely a new field. What I really want is maybe they can treat me more of a lady and less of a child. I'd take it even if it's just a tiny tweak, but I can't really just change my personality like that.

Of course I've wanted to talk about these stuff with my friends and ask them other stuff. But, like I said, the topic is a bit of a taboo in where I live and I'm scared to be judged. I know that they're my friends and I trust them a lot but as a very sensitive person I tend to overthink a lot, and that includes on what they might think of me in their perspective even if they don't blurt it out. Also, I know I'll be a rambling mess if I ever did have the courage to bring it up (I'm really thankful for being able to bring this up in here. Feels like a thorn out off my chest)

Lately, I've thought deep about why I did it exactly. Being curious is definitely on the list but there's also a big part of me wanting to experience the pleasure, even if it's a solo flight in this case. And also maybe excited for the future, what exactly is what I'm not sure of as of the moment (Just a side note but I never had a boyfriend nor went on a single date in my whole life. I've had couple of guys confessed feelings, and a couple that tried to ask me out but rejected them in the end. Countless of times I wondered if that's the reason why I'm the "innocent" one, that because I have zero experience in that department that I'm clueless and lost.)

Also, thank you for that article! I'll definitely read that amongst other boards I'll be exploring to!

[Jacob]

Hi Min!

It sounds to me like there are a couple of things: 1. Your friends being patronising and 2. Wanting to enjoy and explore masturbation.

I think trying to disprove other people's judgements to yourself is probably not the most relaxing atmosphere in which to enjoy masturbation. Remember it's just about doing what feels good... and you do it for yourself, not for your friends.

With your friendship groups, you don't have to say "I masturbated!" you can instead say some of what you have said here, "When you treat me like a kid it makes me feel bad, and I need you to try harder to speak to me like an adult."

This can change their behaviour if they are concerned for not making you feel bad, which is what I'd hope from a friendship group! It also means you don't have to give up your privacy to ask others to respect you.