Scarleteen

Hi, I always find myself worrying about becoming pregnant and I just wanted to finally get the right answers from a professional. So I have never engaged in direct genital to genital contact and do not plan on it. However, I do engage in hand jobs, dry humping with clothes, oral sex, fingering, pretty much what you call outercourse. So would there ever be a chance of pregnancy if the guy had a drop precum on his hands and fingered me? I find myself worrying about the littlest things even though I know it’s very unlikely. Also, does washing your hands eliminate any risk of pregnancy?? Thank you! I really need your help!

Hi there Anna5511, and welcome to Scarleteen!

We have a couple of articles that give you all these answers and more - you might find it helpful to read through Can I Get Pregnant, Or Get Or Pass On an STI From That?, Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide, and Who's Afraid Of Sperm Cells?.

By the way, we have a very specific policy about asking questions about this type of stuff - you might want to look over it as well!

So I will be fine? I’ve read all the articles but nothing seems to help my anxiety. It’s horrible

Is this the only area where you've been suffering from anxiety, or has it been showing up in other parts of your life, as well?

The only area because I don’t want to become pregnant. Are my fears logical in the activities I am doing?

Okay.

If you read those articles, and it sounds like you did, then you know how pregnancy can happen and how it can't. If and when we're doing things that DO present risks of pregnancy, especially if we're not using effective methods of birth control to prevent it, then for sure, it's rational and reasonable to be concerned about pregnancy happening. On the other hand, if and when we're not doing those things, then no, that's not so sound.

However, there are some common reasons people worry about pregnancy even when it's not a real possibility. Since it sounds like you don't have an underlying anxiety disorder or anything like that, that's probably not it. Since it sounds like reading the facts doesn't help, this probably isn't about not knowing them.

Instead, for you, it could be because of things like not actually feeling ready for all of this, being in a family, culture or community where sex in the context you're having it is a big no-no, or where people who have unplanned pregnancies are treated very badly. If you think about it a little more deeply -- like past just, "I don't want to get pregnant" -- do you have any thoughts or feelings about what could be driving this anxiety?

Yes it comes from my family background. I am religious and do not plan on having sex anytime in the future. Fingers with a little precum on them cannot result in pregnancy correct? I just want to hear a yes from someone other than articles. Are there real cases where people get pregnant from fingering?

We're very clear in our policies that we will not engage in this way around pregnancy fears. We spent many, many years trying a whole bunch of approaches, and we know that getting stuck in a validation loop (and I'm the literal person who wrote most of these articles, so you have already heard from me!) doesn't actually wind up helping the person, and it sucks up a ton of our time and energy, to boot, which isn't sound for something we know to be unproductive. It's just not a thing we are going to do. Al linked you to that policy right away, and I need to ask you to respect it. Thanks.

As that policy statement makes clear, though, we ARE willing to talk about this is ways we HAVE found are actually helpful and productive. For instance, it sounds like this is coming from religious and community fears, which isn't surprising because you have been having sex -- in other words, you HAVE been doing sexual things, from the sounds of it, even if you're not calling them sex. So, no surprise, it sounds like you're feeling one of the most common ways fear and guilt and shame manifest for people who are sexual in ways their religion/family doesn't approve of. I'd be happy to talk with you about how to make sexual choices that fit better with where you're at right now, and ways you can start to process and deal with the beliefs/culture you're in so that in time, you can be sexual in ways you want to be but without feeling fears coming from this stuff.

So I’m not engaging in risks of pregnancy? And yes I’m trying to make sure I can have contacts without worrying, like making him wash his hands before. But does washing hands eliminate the risk, or what about just drying your hand before?

I'm not going to engage in the conversation like that, per the policies and limits we mentioned. I'd be happy, as I said, to talk with you about what I offered to discuss in my last response (and saying to have someone wash their hands first isn't the advice I'd give to have sexual contact without triggering these anxieties, for the record), but I'm not going to engage with in the way you're asking for.

As included in that link to our policy on this, there is a piece -- and I'm the primary author, so it's the same information I'd give here in a board reply -- that lists all the most common sexual activities and what, if any, pregnancy and STI risks they have. You'd look up manual sex in that piece for the answer to this question: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?