Scarleteen

My best friend and I have been best friends for 7 years. We’ve gone through everything, grown up together, talked about our lives in 2am conversations, been completely vulnerable with each other (emotionally), slept over each other’s houses when our parents were pissing us off, went on a week long vacation together—just us to florida for spring break, cried together and most of all laughed together. I’m a girl and he’s a guy. We’re both the same age, seventeen, and recently (probably within the last year and a half) I’ve felt like all I want to do is be in a relationship with him. And although we always tell each other we love one another I want it to mean more. I want to tell him but I also don’t want to ruin anything. Basically everyone knows but I’ve never agreed or confirmed I like him so no one is completely sure but me on my feelings for him. I think I’m in love with him as a best friend (we even call ourselves best friend soul mates) and I think I have really strong feelings for him relationship-wise, should I tell him or leave it alone and enjoy what we have?

I'm curious to hear about a few things, first:

1) What is your sense of his feelings? Do you think whatever kind of relationship you want (you're already in a relationship, but I assume you mean something romantic or sexual?) is also something he might want?

2) Separate from what he might want, how do you feel not telling him and keeping this to yourself? Is that impacting your friendship or making it painful for you at all? Do you think you'd feel best saying something or not saying something, regardless of the outcome?

3) It sounds like you've been in some tough ways lately. Do you think it's possible the way you're feeling is about you having some struggles lately? Do you think now is a time when you're in a good headspace to start a new kind of relationship ion the first place, especially in a case like this, where it's really high stakes?

I am completely lost on his feelings in that type of way. I know he loves and cares about me and i reciprocate that in all ways. Maybe it is just personal issues manifesting into this “love?”

Hi apronepisces,

In that case, it might help to focus on Heather's second and third questions for a moment. Are you noticing that keeping these feelings inside is impacting your friendship in some way? Are they making it harder to be around him?

Too, when did you first notice your feelings shifting towards a more romantic love for him? Does the shift coincide with something else big or emotionally difficult in your life?

I honestly feel like it wouldn’t really impact our relationship much. Is that a good or bad thing? Because it’s like if I did tell him I feel like his response would be something like “okay” rather than like rejecting me or feeling the same way. (if that makes any sense)

Okay. So, next step then: do you WANT to tell him? I'm hearing you say that if you did, regardless of how he felt about it, he'd probably be cool and it doesn't seem likely to negatively impact your existing relationship, that given. If that's right, then it seems to me that what you're left with is just deciding if you want to tell him or not.

I do want to say, in case it's in the mix in your head here, that I hope you know that if you want to tell him, you don't also have to want to DO anything with these feelings. In other words, telling him doesn't actually obligate or commit either of you to having a sexual or romantic relationship together. Maybe you want to do that with these feelings, if he does, too, but you might not -- or might not even know that yet. If you don't want to pursue any kind of action with those feelings yet, or at all, EXCEPT to voice them, that is one option for you.

I think you should do something about this and at the very least tell the person how you feel. It's a better alternative than keeping it in for who knows how long and wonder about it down the road.