Scarleteen

Hello! I am 14 years of age. Romantic and/or sexual relationships seem far off to me, yet I’ve been curious. I think I’m attracted to girls, but I don’t really know, as maybe I’ll find a really cool dude? I sometimes get aroused by female genitalia, but I don’t feel that much attraction. I do imagine myself being in a romantic relationship eventually, but I don’t know when that will be. Most of my friends are guys, which is totally fine. I’m not really seeking out relationships, nor have they been seeking out me(I think. I’m pretty oblivious at times). I think they would be cool, but I don’t know how one would arise. I don’t find myself particularly attractive or vise versa. Sorry this is all over the place, I’m just wondering if anyone else had felt the same at any time.

Hey there, PowerPup. I can't speak so much to having this exact set of feelings, so I can't pitch in that way. But if you don't want to wait for someone to see this who has had those same feelings, and you'd like to talk about any of this, I'm happy to do that with you.

I'm mostly hearing you just describe not really knowing what you want yet when it comes to dating or sex with other people, which is pretty darn common in your early teens. I also don't see anything in here that sounds urgent: like, it sounds like this is just where you're at right now, which is a totally fine place to be. But if you have questions around any of this, we can probably answer them for you.

Hey Powerpup!

I can remember being your age and not quite knowing how I felt about my sexuality. It can be confusing and scary to feel like you don't know what you want!

When I was your age, I didn't know what bisexuality was and the only narrative I'd heard about queerness was the "I've known I was gay since I was 5 years old" story, so I thought I had to 'pick a side' and that I should already know. That's not true! It's okay to be anywhere on the sexuality spectrum and slide up and down and all around it as time goes by!

What I found to be the most helpful when I was feeling like I HAD to have an understanding of myself, was to just give myself the label of "not knowing". It can be so awesome to just let yourself not know, and enjoy the curiosity that comes with not knowing. I know it sounds cliche for me to say this, especially because I know how confusing it can be, but things will work out! You can totally trust that you don't HAVE to know in this moment. It can be fun and scary and confusing and interesting and weird to figure it out over time, but that's kind of how everything in life is, not just dating and sexuality