Started bleeding 3 days after losing virginity, is that normal?

[lovingluna]

I lost my virginity 5 days ago (March 12th). It hurt a little in the beginning, but I figured it was just because it was my first time and eventually it didn’t hurt so much anymore so we kept going. I didn’t bleed during or after intercourse. Three days later I noticed I had blood on my underwear and it was dark brown, so I thought maybe it was old blood that was coming out. But now I am bleeding as much as I do when I’m on my period. I last got my period March 1st (only two weeks ago) and I normally get it every 24-28 days, so this is very early if it is my period. I am not in any pain, but I am bleeding through a pad every 2 hours. Is this normal? I am very concerned because I didn’t bleed immediately after having sex, so I feel that it’s odd that I started bleeding three days after. I also wanted to add that the only source of protection was a condom. I am not on birth control and I have never been on birth control before. Thank you for your help!

[al]

Hi there lovingluna, and welcome to Scarleteen.

We can't really say for sure why you're experiencing this bleeding, because we're not doctors and this is the internet. Because you did have a period recently, are not taking birth control, and because you're experiencing a really heavy flow, I would recommend that you check in with a healthcare provider about it. In all likelihood it's not something serious, but whenever you have heavy bleeding that's unexpected, it's a good idea to check in with someone about it. Do you have a gynecologist or regular healthcare provider that you can access?

I did want to point out that the pain that you experienced when having intercourse isn't really supposed to be "part of the first time". Our article One Bloody Mess: Myths and Realities of Bleeding with First Intercourse gives the full breakdown, but essentially, it's a myth that there needs to be the presence of blood and/or pain during the first time that someone's having intercourse. In fact, anytime someone experiences vaginal pain or bleeding during sex, it usually means that there's not enough lubrication, either human-made or synthetic; the sex or stimulation is too fast or too rough; or that that person is not feeling relaxed or aroused enough for that particular activity to feel comfortable.
We're often taught that it's just part of the 'package deal' of the first time that we have sex, but that pain (and really any pain signals that our bodies give us!) are a pretty good sign that we might need to stop and reassess whatever it is that we're doing that's causing that pain. Our pain signals are usually our bodies communicating to us through a very effective system that something's not right.

As for what you said about only using condoms, is that something that you're comfortable with? Was that a discussion that you had with your partner beforehand, or more something that happened in the moment? How are you feeling about that level of risk/protection for pregnancy and/or STIs?

[lovingluna]

Thank you so much for your response. I do not currently have a gynecologist or a regular healthcare provider. I am concerned and I know it’s important to take care of my body, so I am looking to find someone that will accept my insurance and go this week, but I am having a difficult time finding someone who accepts Medicaid. Also, my parents don’t know that I am sexually active. I am worried to tell them what’s going on because I feel that they will be very disappointed in me for not waiting. To be honest, I am disappointed in myself for not waiting. I told my mom that I think I have my period again/2 weeks after last having it and that I needed to see a doctor, I just didn’t tell her about losing my virginity.

Thank you for sending your article. That was very informative and it makes a lot of sense. Our bodies are amazing, and I have to start listening to the signals I am given. It is very possible that we ended up going too fast/rough.

To be honest, I regret having intercourse with only a condom. I would have much rather been safer and been on the pill and also use a condom. It was an in the moment decision because I noticed how/where things were going and I asked him to put on a condom to be safe in case. I am concerned about the risk of pregnancy/STIs. How possible is it to get STIs even with the use of a condom?

I apologize for such a long message. I really appreciate all of your help and advice.

[Heather]

lovingluna: I agree with Al that due to the amount of bleeding -- is it still that much this morning? -- you should see a healthcare provider ASAP: today, now, if possible. Bleeding *through* a pad every two hours is a lot of bleeding, particularly if your flow isn't that heavy with periods. This also may not actually have anything to do with having had sex: that would be an unlikely cause for this level of bleeding, for the record.

I also think that in this case, it would not be out of line to go to the ER or an urgent care if either are easier for you to get to and get covered.

I'd be happy to talk with you some more about how you are feeling about your sexual choices, and see if I can't help you make some peace with them so you don't keep being so rough with yourself, and so you don't have to keep soaking in what sounds like some painful shame. I'd also be happy to talk with you about options for additional methods of birth control so if and when you have a next time with intercourse, you can have it in more of the ways you want to, including with whatever level of contraception you feel best about.

But I think it's pretty vital we first focus on getting you to some healthcare if you are having that kind of bleeding, and I don't think waiting any longer is a good idea if you can help it. If you want, we can help you look locally to find where to go that can be covered by Medicaid.

[lovingluna]

Hi Heather, thank you so much, I really appreciate your help and concern. I usually get very heavy periods with severe cramps. I haven’t used any tampons which is what I usually use during my period, so I am not sure if this is normally how much I bleed since I’ve only been using pads. I am not bleeding as much today as I was yesterday, but I am still bleeding. I just called a gynecologist office and the earliest appointment I could get is for Friday. I asked them to put me on a list to call if there are any cancellations. I am going to keep looking for gynecologists to go to today. My mom only thinks I am getting my period 2 weeks after my last period, she doesn’t know that I had sex on Tuesday and that it could be related or that it might not be my period at all, so she isn’t as worried because she doesn’t know the whole story. I really don’t know how to tell her and I am so scared of what she will think of me. I know she loves me regardless, but we are so close and this is so unlike me to do something like this and especially to not be honest about it.

[Heather]

It sounds to me like this is probably not something that happened because of the intercourse. Since you already have painful periods and heavy flow, I think it's much more likely you've had something already going on reproductively that's just doing something new now (mid-cycle bleeding). By all means, though, you should be honest with whoever you do see about your sexual history, because that might be a factor and is just important information reproductive/sexual healthcare providers need generally. I'm glad you have an appointment Friday, and it sounds like you're doing all you can to get seen ASAP. That's all any of us can do, really. I'd just go ahead and go to the ER if the bleeding gets worse again, okay?

I don't think you have to tell your Mom anything you don't want to. She's not a healthcare provider for you, after all, so she doesn't need that information, and you do get to choose to keep that private if you want. Sometimes, even when someone is very close with a parent, either they and/or their parent keep a lot of sexual information private, in part just because it is something very private for a lot of people a lot of the time.

Do you want to tell her, or would you rather not? If you do want to tell her, would you like to talk about some strategies to do that?