Scarleteen

Before me and my boyfriend started dating, he had unprotected sex several months before. We didn’t have sex until we were dating for 4 months and we always used condoms. Back in November the condom broke and I’m in birth control so that was okay but I didn’t even think about a possible STD until recently. We talked before and he had lost his virginity with a woman who was definitely clean because she was pregnant and had been tested (not his greatest decision he admits.) Then after that a year later with another girl and I’m pretty sure it was unprotected. He hasn’t had any symptoms and I haven’t since the condom breaking. Could I have an STD?

Hi Dragon!

Good question! It's super encouraging to hear you consider STI risks in addition to the Birth Control options you've put in place. I think we need more of that.

The first thing for me to mention is that I (and we at Scarleteen) don't really use 'clean' to talk about people not having an STI. That's because an infection or having microbes in our bodies doesn't make us dirty. We are all full of all kinds of bacteria and viruses, lots of which are vital to being healthy or at least harmless, some of which can be sexually transmitted and some of which can have negative health implications.

I'd say it is totally possible your boyfriend contracted one of the many STIs that exist at some point in his sexual history. Many STIs can also pass from skin-to-skin contact and from oral sex.

There is every chance, when we are sexually active, that we will eventually have some STI or other. That's why it's a good practice to get tested once in a while (~six months), so we can know our status and make good decisions around lessening the chance of transmission and accessing treatment when we need it.

You have also done a really good job from what you've said here at reducing that risk by continuing to use condoms.

Does that answer what you were asking?

You can also learn more about various STIs here, who all have different implications and modes of transmission:
The STI files

And just to be clear, you BOTH should get regularly tested, not just you! Sounds like your boyfriend might have the idea he can rely on his sexual partner’s test results to give him his own status.

But a) that’s just not cool, period, to only have our partners getting tested, and not doing our own testing and b) that’s also not true, even assuming we always know our sexual partners’ current and accurate status for sure in the first place (like, maybe they were not screened for everything, maybe they picked something up since they were last tested, maybe they aren’t being honest, etc.).

In order to have any clue about his own status, he needs his own tests. Make a date of it! Seriously, STI testing dates can make it a lot more stressful, a bonding experience, and even a little bit fun sometimes (read some dopey pamphlets in the waiting room together, it’s comic gold sometimes).