Scarleteen

Hi Scarletteen, I'm a straight male, 27, Google isnt providing a solid answer. In a past experience (I was 21 at the time)a woman gave me oral sex, it felt good till she tried something new and in the process of it she ran her teeth hard down the sides of the shaft of my penis. Since that day I cannot feel oral pleasure. My current gf tries to help me feel pleasure giving me oral pleasure but it's not working at all. Do you think it's my self-conscious telling me you dont want another happening again or do you think I just cant feel it anymore? I wanna feel pleasure again but I dont know what to do. I masturbate at least 1 or 2 times a week (she knows that due to our work schedules) and I get pleasure from that

Hi MrUnknown,

If you're still feeling pleasure from masturbation, or from types of sexual contact besides oral sex, then it's unlikely that there's some physical issue making you unable to feel pleasure from oral sex. If you have a strong, negative memory attached to oral sex, that could lead to anxiety when you try it again, which often makes it harder to feel pleasure.

Since oral sex isn't currently something that brings you pleasure, what if you and your girlfriend instead focused on doing sexual things together that feel good to both of you? Does that feel doable?

I never thought it could actually possibly be anxiety during to that memory. We do have intercourse at least 3 times a month. Also is it normal that she craves sex more than me? It seems that when she desires it I dont at times. I dont wanna do it with her just to make her feel good if I'm not into it at the moment. But I do think other sexual activities is doable

Peoples' interest in sex varies widely not only from person to person, but from day to day for a specific person . So it's quite common for one partner to be interested in sex more often than another. Culturally, people assume that men will always have more interest in sex than women, but we know that's simply not true and that gender is not a determining factor in how much interest someone has in sex. Does that make sense?

It's good that you've realized that you don't have to engage in sex you're not interested in just for the sake of your partner. Are you and she able communicate easily when your desires don't match, or does it often lead to disagreements?

No disagreement has occurred I just tell her 8m not desiring it when she does. Sometimes it can go on for maybe 2 to 3 weeks at a time. Stress can get the better of me at times and all I focus on is that. I do understand sex is a great relief of stress but I just dont crave it like I used to when I was between 21 and 25

It's totally normal for your desire for sex to vary through your lifetime, so what you're describing is not unusual. If you're both happy and this isn't a source of tension then I'd say you have nothing to be concerned about. Is there something specific you wanted to talk about still?