Scarleteen

The backstory:
My girlfriend and I have been together for a long time. We were virgins when we met, but have blossomed into a fantastic sex life. She has an IUD for birth control, and since we were both virgins, we don't use other protection. I am 20 and she is 19.

This would be the perfect scenario, but we rocked the boat. We decided to open our relationship to sex with other people. Looking back this seems like a stupid idea when we had something so secure, but as we got more serious about our long-term commitment we faced the possibility of having only one sexual partner for the rest of our lives. We both felt it was important to find a way around that.

The issue:
The first time one of us had an encounter outside the relationship, I had unprotected oral contact with my partner. This happened very recently. I told my girlfriend everything and for the moment we are abstaining from any sexual contact. There is ongoing communication between us about safe sex and the boundaries we want to set. We are still on very good terms with each other and she thinks I'm worried too much. I asked to close the relationship until we get the current situation figured out. Discussion of how to have safe sex with others can wait. Right now I am going crazy thinking about how and when we can go back to safe sex with each other.

I'm terrified that I may have contracted an incurable STI from this.

The first opinion:
I saw a doctor right away. After listening to my story he told me that I am only at risk for gonorrhea or chlamydia. He tested me for those two and I am waiting for the results. He said that if I am negative for both of those then I am safe to have other sexual partners.

But I don't really believe him. I want a second opinion. Why is it unlikely that I got Herpes? It can be transmitted orally too. Perhaps the doctor thought it was unlikely that the girl had herpes because her only other sexual encounter was more than two years ago and she said she had no symptoms. But is that really enough to be sure?

Herpes makes me terrified because it is incurable. Gonorrhea or Chlamydia would suck for sure, but since they are curable they don't send me into a total panic the way herpes does. The doctor said he can't test for herpes until 6 weeks from now because the test looks for antibodies.

So I guess I'd like a second opinion on the doctor's evaluation of the situation.

Trust your doc on this one, he is trained to know what to look for when it comes to STIs! We can't really offer a diagnosis/second opinion because we can't physically test you and we aren't doctors. Just sit tight and relax.
On another note, maybe reading up on The STI Files: Herpes would make you a little less scared of it! Herpes is technically incurable, but its symptoms usually get milder with time and almost never cause any extreme issues. But, again, if your doctor said you're not at risk of contracting herpes, it's in your best interest to believe him and maybe take a look at your comfort level of performing sexual acts without protection (like a dental dam)!

On the heroes virus, it might help to understand that if we were looking for one question to determine if someone might have been exposed to it, it would be something like this: "Have you ever had any contact with people?"

Seriously, Herpes spreads very easily, and more people have some form of it than those who do not. And when it comes to HSV-1, oral herpes, most people who have it acquired it in childhood or soon after, and usually not through any sexual contact.

So, that is likely the main reason your doctor is being pretty plain and not panicked about it, because it is tremendously common (and for most people, also little more than an inconvenience, not a life-ender or ruiner), easily spread, and we all are exposed to it all the time, which is why testing for it can be so tricky, because we will often have antibodies given how common it is and given how often people are exposed to it even outside sexual situations.

Thanks Heather! Unfortunately, I developed painful urination and an itchy rash of blisters on my hip... So it's back to the doctor for me. But thank goodness I had already read this or that would have been much scarier. I mean it could still be a UTI and lost pimples, but it doesn't look good.

I need to tell you a story because it's awesome and really helped with this. I was freaked out about the symptoms of herpes, but I was even more freaked out that not infecting my girlfriend would be a permanent struggle and worry. You know what she said? She said she's not intimidated by herpes. That if I have it then she'll probably get it and so what? It's common and manageable. Then we will both have it and sex between us will be the same as it was. She's extremely level headed.