Masturbation goes nowhere

[nastywoman]

So, I'm coming out of purity culture and realize I have plenty to process with that and am masturbating for the first time as someone in their 20's. I have a decent idea of what I'm doing (have read articles here and checked out OmgYes), but when I stimulate my clit, I'll get aroused and I can feel myself getting more excited, but it never... goes anywhere? It feels like a let down in the end when eventually I just stop.

[al]

Hi there nastywoman, and welcome to Scarleteen!

First of all, I'm really glad to hear that you're reflecting on your own experiences with purity culture and how that's affected your sexuality and sense of self. Have you by chance read anything in our Impurity Culture series? If not, Welcome to Impurity Culture: Emily Joy and Hannah Boning on Sex and Relationships might be a good place to start - you might find reading about others' experiences validating or helpful in that process. Undoing Sexual Shame is a good one too.

So in terms of your specific experience with masturbation. I know you said that it physically feels pleasurable and arousing when stimulating your clitoris - how do you feel mentally and emotionally? Do you fantasize about, read about, or look at pictures of people/situations that find sexy? When you try to masturbate, is it at times or locations that might lead to you feeling anxious, tense, or otherwise distracted? I ask because our mental state plays a huge role in the arousal and sexual response cycle. So if there's something that's preventing us from feeling relaxed and present during masturbation (e.g. a younger sibling banging on the bathroom door because they need to shower next), we might not be able to build that sexual response beyond just the initial pleasure of physical stimulation. With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body talks about the specifics of why the brain plays such an important part of sexual pleasure, so that might also be worth a read!