Scarleteen

Hi Scarleteen!

I'm in a long-term heterosexual relationship and we are using male condoms + withdrawal as contraception method.

Recently I've had a pregnancy scare for seemingly no real reason -- we are using the condoms correctly and they have never broke or slipped. My boyfriend pulled out every time for extra caution. I am planning to get birth control at some point, but not yet, so we decided to use these two methods for the time being.

I have read the articles on your website and noticed that these two methods combined have 99.92% effectiveness rate, or 98% for condom alone, for perfect use. I know real life is closer to typical use, but I will assume we are using both methods correctly since we are extremely cautious and researched quite a bit.

I had a hard time interpreting these stats, but from what I understood (please correct me if I'm wrong), these very slim chances of pregnancy with both methods could only be in the situation where the condom has broken due to manufacture error and precum that contains sperm somehow came into contact with vagina. Is that right, or is there something else that could happen?

So if that happens, I assume the condom breakage would sooner or later be visible and wouldn't go unnoticed. But I have also read about so called "micro tears" that can allow sperm or precum to pass through and go unnoticed, and I just can't help but wonder if someone made that up. I find our website to be very reliable so I would really like this answered, please.

I know no method is 100% effective, but I would like to have control over what could possibly happen.

My post might make it seem like I am a bit paranoid and perhaps need other kind of help, and I will try to resolve it with myself in any case, but the answer to this might help me have some peace of mind.

Thank you!

Hi kotoco,

To answer your main question, when a condom breaks or tears it's going to be very noticeable. They don't really get micro-tears. Instead, there will be a big rip or tear that you can clearly see, and sometimes the person wearing the condom will feel actually feel it rip.

As for why condoms fail, it's most often due to user error (such as using oil-based lube on a latex condom, putting it on wrong, etc), although flaws in the condoms themselves can occur. With withdrawal, presence of sperm in pre-cum is one reason the effectiveness of that method is lower than something like condoms, but a common reason the method fails is that the person simply doesn't pull-out in time. Does that all make sense?

It sounds like you're not sure where some of these fears are coming from, or like they've appeared unexpectedly. You might want to give this article a read and see if there are things listed in it that feel applicable to you (it's written with more persistent fears in mind, but the underlying reasons discussed apply to pregnancy anxiety in general): You're Not Pregnant. Why Do You think You Are?

Hi Sam, thank you for your answer! It all makes perfect sense and I'm happy that I got an answer for my main question. (for some reason I just couldn't find the information on micro-tears anywhere and people tend to spread misinformation)

I have read the article you linked me to & I hope it's okay to continue talking about it in this thread, since it's kind of related to my original question. Out of the reasons mentioned in the article, I think a possible anxiety/ocd disorder might apply to me, since I experience mild hypochondria both related and unrelated to pregnancy (getting confused by PMS symptoms and thinking it's pregnancy, for example). I have never got help or therapy for my fears since it doesn't feel 'active' or like it's interfering with my life significantly ... it's just in the back of my mind and appears once in a while.

My pregnancy scares are an ongoing thing -- the fear was one of the reasons why we abstained from actual intercourse for almost 4 years. I am in that same relationship now and we only recently started to engage in intercourse after I felt like I was ready, but no matter how safe we are, sometimes I keep thinking "what if I'm that 1 in 100 people that ends up pregnant" or whatever the figures are, then I reassure myself (and my partner reassures me too -- he is not (irrationally) anxious about this issue, but understands why I am), and on it goes.
Yes, abstinence is the only foolproof method, but I think it's time to deal with my paranoia, since it's been quite a while. It's not like I absolutely mustn't get pregnant -- I have an option and a choice to get an abortion in case it happens.

You're welcome! I'm glad the information was helpful.

It sounds like you've identified an underlying mental health issue as a possible source of these fears. How you want to manage that is up to you, and it sounds like you've tried a few different things already. If you're finding that self-reassurance and having accurate information is working, than that may be a strategy you can continue using. If you notice that the scares are getting harder and harder to shake, or that they're arising more frequently, then checking in with a mental healthcare provider might be a sound route (it may be worth checking in with one anyway, just to have a trained set of eyes to help you see if there are ways your anxiety is affecting your life that you might not notice at first).