Scarleteen

I had a conversation with a friend recently, in which she said "I hope you know I really trust you, with all this sharing." I freaked out, then realized I was freaking out because in the past I have had somebody tell me that I was the only person they'd ever trusted, and that relationship did not go anywhere good. My friend did not, and has never, said that I am the only one she trusts. She actually talks about her close relationships with other people, so I am 99.9999999999999% sure that I am not the only one she trusts. But, I am confused. Because while I definitely do not want to be the only one anybody trusts, yikes, it feels good/like an honor, to have her (or others) say they trust me. And then I feel very conflicted and uncomfortable. Because truthfully, I suppose I do want her to trust me more than she trusts some others. Or at least, it's flattering/feels good to have somebody I feel close to reciprocate that feeling. But what's the line between "I like that you trust me and I want you to feel differently about me than you do casual acquaintances" and "I want you to be closer to me than to anybody" I don't think I feel that second way. But how do I know?

Is it 'bad' to want 2 or 3 friendships that are extremely close/emotionally intimate? Is it weird/not ok to have such close friendships and have either them, you, or both of you have a romantic partner? Does somebody 'owe' their partner the most trust, and then their childhood family (assuming people weren't abusive) and then their close friends and down/out from there? Intuitively my logical brain says that seems silly, but, I don't know.

No one "owes" anyone trust or closeness, nor is it anything to which anyone is just entitled. And which relationships in our lives feel the closest, and in what ways, varies a whole lot more than what "kind" they are.

By all means, a lot of people, especially in long-term romantic/sexual partnerships also make that person their family and best friend. But that's a choice -- and also a convention -- not something that has to go that way. Same even goes for who a "partner" even is. There's no reason someone a person considers a life partner, or even a spouse, has to also be a romantic or sexual partner.

I'm not sure I'm quite getting where you were going with that first paragraph and the questions at the end of it. If you mean, "Is it okay to feel good about someone trusting me a lot?" By all means, I think the answer is yes, and that often is something we'll feel good about, because building trust is something we actively do and put real energy and intention into. If you are asking, "Is it okay to feel, about any given person in your life, that I want to be closer to them than anyone else?" Again, I think the answer is absolutely yes. And that person could be someone we're in a romantic relationship, but it doesn't have to be, and of course, it may be more than one person, since it's not like -- especially over a lifetime -- most people are ONLY close to just one person at a time.