Can't insert anything into vagina

[Xennn]

Hey, I'm a 15 year old girl and I found this out when I tried to use a tampon. The pain was absolutely excruciating, and it felt like I was pushing against a wall. The tip went in, but if I went any further I think I would have collapsed; it's one of the worst pains I've felt in my life.

I did a lot of research on this, and the two main things I'm suspecting are vaginismus or an imperforate hymen. When I look down there with a mirror, I have a vaginal opening but it does not seem to open. I don't think it's exactly an imperforate hymen though, since I have periods as normal and I have a normal amount of discharge.

I've noticed during masturbation that it feels like there is something poking out of the opening. When I pass my finger over it, it gives me similar sexual pleasure to the clitoris, so I'm honestly so confused.

I've tried inserting my pinky finger in case I'm just tight, but it was the same overwhelming pain that left me feeling weakened. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Has anyone else experienced this?

[Sam W]

Hi Xennn,

Ouch, that sounds really unpleasant! Often, when inserting things is painful it's due to some combination of tension and under-lubrication (you can read more about those and other common causes here: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse). However, it sounds like you're experiencing extreme discomfort and pain and that it might be time to check in with a healthcare provider so that they can help you determine whats going on. Have you ever been to an OB-GYN? If not, is that a resource you know how to access?

[Xennn]

It's definitely not due to lubrication, I made sure I did a lot of 'foreplay' type stuff before I tried to insert fingers or anything like that. I know that I can ask my mum, or I can ask my school to make a referral if I can't ask her. I'm just terrified of asking, and I'm even more terrified of how people will view me if that's something I ask to access. I don't want to be seen as gross or anything like that.

[Sam W]

I'm glad to hear there are people you can ask to help you access that kind of care!

If it helps, there's nothing gross or bad about asking for healthcare of any kind. Part of being a person with a body is taking care of that body, and the vast majority of people understand that and won't pass judgement on you for accessing care (and even if they did, you get to prioritize taking care of yourself over how other people see you). Does that make sense? And are there other parts of asking for help around this that are scaring you?

[Xennn]

It makes sense. Thanks for the support.

There are other aspects. How I'm actually going to ask is the main part, but then it's the visit to the OB-GYN that worries me too. I live with chronic anxiety, so I'm not really capable of going to places like that. I can barely manage school, so I'm not sure how I'd go to an office like that. There's the whole thing of how I look down there and everything that worries me too, but I don't think I'll even get that far.

[Sam W]

Would it be helpful to use this as a place to brainstorm or practice how to ask? Sometimes, the easiest way to ask for something tricky is to be straight forward about it. For instance, you could say something like, "I've been having a health issue that's causing me pain, and I was wondering if you could help me schedule a visit with an OB-GYN." Does saying it like that feel right, or do you feel like your mom wouldn't respond well to that approach?

Chronic anxiety can certainly make accessing healthcare trickier. Are you currently seeing someone, like a counselor, for help managing your anxiety? Too, would it be helpful to have some information on how the visit is likely to go? That may help you feel more prepared, which can often decrease those anxious feelings.

If some of your worries have to do with how your genitals look, you may find this article really useful right now: Give'em Some Lip: Labia That Clearly Ain't Minor.

[Xennn]

I'll have a look at that article.

I think she'd respond well to that approach, she's not crazy strict or anything and she knows I'm having issues right now so I don't think she'd freak out or anything. I have some other stuff to tell her too so I might do it all at once when I manage to pluck up the courage.

Knowing how it's likely to go would definitely help me out, I'm just not sure as it's done differently everywhere. I know there's a clinic nearby, so I might just ask someone from my year team for the contact information so I can call in when I'm ready. I know that she doesn't even have to get involved, but I don't think I could do it on my own.

I'm on a waiting list for a new counselor, the one I was seeing patronised me and refused to listen most the time so they weren't helping me.

[Sam W]

I'm glad to hear you're on the list to get a new counselor, and that you ditched one who wasn't listening to you. Would you like some information on how to get the most out of therapy for when you finally get matched with a counselor?

If having more information about how the visit might go will help, this article is a great starting place: Your First Gynecologist Visit. You're right that each office or provider will do things a little differently, but even having the general shape of the visit in your head may cut down on some of the anxiety. And getting the contact information for the nearby clinic from someone you know sounds like an excellent idea (it also gives you the chance to ask that person how they liked that clinic).

[Heather]

I've noticed during masturbation that it feels like there is something poking out of the opening. When I pass my finger over it, it gives me similar sexual pleasure to the clitoris, so I'm honestly so confused.

Just a quickie on this, since it looks like it got lost in the conversation shuffle! My guess is that it's one of two things: depending on how you are sitting, and if you're bearing down, it could the area that's commonly known as the g-spot/urethral sponge, something that is a likely part of the internal clitoral structure, which is why it can feel similar to what you're used to with the external portions of the clitoris.

Alternately, it might be your cervix: some people find that gentle touch to the cervix doesn't feel painful (or like nothing) but instead feels pleasurable. That can be very low and right near the opening, especially during some times of your cycle and when you're not very physically aroused. But if it seems like it might be right AT the opening, that could be why you're having these issues, so I'd be sure to make a note of this part of what you told us when you see someone in person.

[Xennn]

Heather: The whole thing of my cervix being at the opening it what I initially thought, but I called myself crazy and went searching for other possibilities. The more that I think of it, the more it makes sense, but I'll definitely bring it up when I manage to see someone. I've asked my mum and she's said she will make an appointment for me when my anxiety gets better.


Sam W: I'd certainly appreciate some information on getting the most out of therapy, I really don't want to mess this up.

Thanks for the article on the visit, reading through it now

[Sam W]

You're welcome! And I'm glad your talk with your mom went well.

In terms of therapy, this article is a really good starting place: Process This: Getting the Most Out of Therapy. That article covers most of the basics, but are there concerns you have that you don't see addressed in it?

[Xennn]

I can't say that there's anything new there, or that there's anything unanswered. Thanks for the help