Scarleteen

Hi..
I'm an Asian girl and virgin, Recently I have a date with a white guy and we had sex.. for the first time that was so extremely painful when he insert his penis into my vagina.. but we still continued till everything was finished.. and I didn't know until he told me that my vagina was bleeding. After washed about 10 minutes later we continued the second time. And it was still bleeding.
Now it is the 3rd day after our twice times sex..and my vagina keep bleeding, it was dark red but it doesn't cause any pain and
I'm sure that it's not a period blood.
It was 3 days already and keep bleeding.. is it normal? And when it gonna stop bleeding after lose my virginity? I'm so worry now.. please answer me T-T
Thanks..

Hi Alexis,

This sounds like a pretty unpleasant experience for you. Can I ask if this was sex you felt you wanted? And if you felt able to stop when it was so painful?

Usually, I would say that if it's that dark red colour and not causing any pain that it's your period come early, but because that intercourse was so painful and you're sure it's not I think you should get yourself checked out by a healthcare provider - is that something you can do?

So you know, whilst some people bleed a little after having vaginal intercourse for the first time, many don't and there is really no reason it should be painful.

How are you feeling now?

Hi.. thanks for reply ..

Yes we had so much fun until he insert his penis into mine.. he was about to stop that time but I was the one who told him to continue until everything was finished, because I heard many of my friends said that first time in sex was so painful so that's why I thought that if I continue it gonna be okay.

Umm.. just feel pain inside sometimes. And my period last month was on 28th April .. oppss.. that time we didn't used condom, the first one was okay because he took out and Cum outside, but the second one was inside. And that day was on 7th may, it was only 9days after period. Do I have chance to get Pregnant?

Hi Alexis,

If you have unprotected vaginal sex where a partner ejaculates inside you, that does pose a risk of pregnancy. If you want to have as small a chance as possible of not getting pregnant from this incident, you are still within the window to take emergency contraception. If that's an option you want to pursue, is that something you know how to access?

Since it sounds like you don't want to be pregnant any time soon, can I ask why you and he chose not to use a condom?

Hello..

Yes I'm not ready for pregnancy yet and we didn't use condom that time because I feel like uncomfortable with that plastic thing while he come into my body, so we decided to take it off and continue without it.
And that emergency contraception, it's still work or not ? I mean now it's 5days already after having sex.

Emergency contraception is up to 75% effective 5 days after unprotected sex, so yes if you hurry you should still have time. We've got more information here: Emergency Contraception (Plan B or the Morning-After-Pill)

Are you able to get emergency contraception today?

You'll also need to get an STI check-up in a couple of weeks, as emergency contraception doesn't protect you against STIs.

It sounds like there are a few things for you to think about before you decide to have intercourse again to make sure it's a safe and fun thing for you, because at the end of the day sex is something that should feel good - physically and emotionally - for everyone and not come with unnecessary risks. Are you up for talking some more about that?

Maybe I don't have to start emergency contraception because today my period just come, It come early. I have no idea about when it come also, like it always come late or early and when it about to come I feel so painful around that part.. But this time I don't feel that at all so that's why I don't even realized until it come.

Sex is an interesting part for me that I always wanna try but as an Asian's girl who has strict Family sex is become a forbidden part for us also. That's why I feel worried after I did that.

So what is the best way to protect pregnancy? Since I can't strongly depend on my period circle because it's not always come on time for me.

Hi Alexis,

If you're choosing to engage in sexual activities that can cause pregnancy, the best way to protect against pregnancy is to use birth control. Are you interested in exploring what options you have in terms of birth control? If so, that's something we can help you with.

Too, pregnancy isn't the only thing to protect against during sex. STIs are a risk as well, and the way to protect against those is to use a barrier method such as a condom. You mentioned previously that you feel uncomfortable with him having a condom on while he ejaculated. Can you tell me more about that? Do you mean physically uncomfortable, like the condom was causing unpleasant sensations, or more mentally/emotionally uncomfortable?

Since it sounds like you're dealing with some difficult feelings around sex, as well as concerns about pregnancy, you may want to take a look at this article and use the tools in it to think about whether you're ready to be sexual with another person: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Since I'm getting old (29) now I don't really wanna use birth control medicine.. maybe I should try condom. Yes I did mentioned about uncomfortable feeling while he ejaculate within condom.. it's kind of emotionally uncomfortable.. I don't know how to deal with that feeling also.

Since it was my first time, I didn't even know what are those normal signs after losing virginity, I was so worried about this about that. You know in this past week I always torture myself by thinking somethings bad was about to happen.. I was so over-thinking until yesterday my period came.. I feel so relieved..

Condoms are an accessible and very effective option! With that feeling of emotional discomfort, can you get a little more specific? For instance, is it something to do with the idea that condoms mean partners aren't as "close?" That using one is a sign you don't trust one another? Something else entirely?

Can you also say a bit more about why your being almost 30 makes you feel that you don't want to use other methods of birth control?

What you're describing with constantly worrying that something bad was about to happen is something we see often. You mentioned there were some cultural messages about sex feeling "forbidden," and we know those messages often lead to that kind of stressful thinking . Would you like to talk about how to deal with some of those messages and the feelings they bring up?

Hello.. I'm so sorry for the late reply, I just come back from camping and climbing.. feel tired and full of my body are in pain but it can blow away my stressful..

And yes I know, using condom is safe.. But whenever I was about to use condom my uncomfortable feeling happened.. I don't know why.. And I have no idea how can I explain to you. Kinda feel like I'm so dirty.. because since I grown up until now, condoms is using for prostitutes.. somethings like that.. Not the things that lovers did. Sorry I mentioned about this.. I don't mean to abuse. But really it's what in my mind until now.
About the birth control, I heard my friends told me , using too much of birth control pills while you're in this age can affect you later for having kids if you want later.

Yes, you're right. I'm stressful.

Hi Alexis,

Thank you for that additional information! If condom use feels dirty or like something people who are not in love do, then one thing that may help is to read some new perspectives on condom use (ones that we know reflect the reality of the world rather than misconceptions). For instance, people who do sex work use condoms for the same reasons other people do; they want to prevent pregnancy and STI transmission, and there's nothing wrong with that. Someone choosing to use a condom doesn't mean they're "dirty," it means they're choosing to keep themselves and a partner safe. This article is a great place to learn more about that: Love the Glove: 10 Reasons to Use Condoms You Might Not Have Heard Yet. In the meantime, can you and your partner agree to not having any sex without a condom (or to only stick to types of sexual activity that don't pose a pregnancy risk)? That will keep you from having another scare. And, as much as you can be patient with yourself. Unlearning negative cultural messages about sex takes time, so you may still feel those reactions to using a condom appear from time to time.

So, your friends are repeating a common misconception about the birth control pill. But being on the pill will not decrease your ability to have kids later on, and plenty of people in their 30s (and beyond) use the pill or other contraceptives (after all, it's not like it's only people in their 20s who want to control if or when they become pregnant). Too, the pill isn't the only birth control method out there. Would you be interested in talking about what other options may be available to you?

Since there's no better options for me.. So I gonna choose condom, just like what you said.. be patient and take times.. can not be so rush.. also I need time to make up my mind.

Hi Alexis, it sounds like you have made a good decision about condoms. Taking time to think about your choices is also a very wise choice!

Yes..Really thank you guys for all the advices. I appreciate it a lot.
Sincerely ♡

You're welcome! We're here if you have any more questions or concerns