Vulva

[pianolover]

Does anyone else's Vulva, Vestibute, Vagina, and even more names; get sweating if your're doing a lot of exercise. And maybe not wearing good clothes when you're moving around? Any tips to deal with this? I get so stressed out and embarrassed when this happens to me. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

[Sam W]

Hi Lostand_found,

What you're describing is really common, and sweat can definitely collect around that part of your body if you've been exercising. Some people try to minimize it by wearing clothing that breathes or that doesn't collect moisture as easily, but at a certain point your body is going to sweat, and some of that is going to happen around your genitals (or places like your inner thighs).

You mention this makes you feel like you're doing something wrong? Can I ask why that is?

[pianolover]

I was in a rush when I wrote the previous post; all of the grammar is messed up! I don't know if it was clear enough but I guess it is pretty common to sweat around that area when moving around a lot. Today wasn't as bad but I was definitely sweating. I'm going to have to find some clothes to help because its uncomfortable. And I'm not 100% sure what I mean by feeling like I'm doing something wrong by sweating. I guess i feel like that around a lot of my body's natural functions. Like I'm gross for having a certain smell, hair in places, acne, and more. My family would point out things like my hair,smells,farts,acne, and lice when I got it. They reacted like it was so disgusting and unnatural I felt awful about myself. And I still carry that negative connotation of the body's natural function. I also feel alone when experiencing these things, it's like I'm the only one experiencing it because nobody talks about it.

[Heather]

I'm afraid I'm racing off to a medical appointment, so I don't have time to dig deep into this today! It's a pity, because talking about what real, live bodies are like is one of my favorite deep dives.

But I promise, nearly everyone (with the exception of people who have certain disorders) sweats, including around their genitals. In fact, because it can get so warm down there, that's one of the most common areas of the body where we all do sweat.

I don't think you or any of the rest of us are gross for...well, having a human body. Human bodies sweat, get zits, smell, and have hair all over them. Sometimes human bodies do things like pick up viruses, bacteria or parasites, too. That's just how we are! I'm sorry it sounds like your family either doesn't understand or accept that, and/or uses these things as a form of emotional abuse.

We can talk more about the realities of bodies when I'm back tomorrow, if you like!

[pianolover]

Okay, I would like to talk more about this.Thank you

[pianolover]

I also was curious if there any workshops/blogs about self-care,fashion,design,grooming,and things like that.

[Jacob]

Hi Lostand_found,

I think a really good place to start is one of my favourite scarleteen pieces:
The Sex Goddess Blues: Building Sexual Confidence, Busting Perfectionism

Have you looked through it before?

[Heather]

workshops/blogs about self-care,fashion,design,grooming,and things like that

These are a LOT of topics! For sure, there's all kinds of content online about all of those things. But our job is providing sex and relationships education rather than general internet referrals, so this is outside what we can do. A general search engine is really your best place to go for things like this, and if you're interested in a more curated list that has to do with us, you might just want to look at who we follow on any of our social media channels (like our Twitter, Insta, Tumblr or Facebook) that you also use. <3

I'm happy to talk more with you about the initial topic, though, except it turns out I'm going to have to take work mostly off today because of a terrible migraine. How about you get me started by posting some questions I can look at tomorrow?

One other small piece of advice? If you really feel like you're the only one whose human body does all of these things, can you get yourself unto a crowded bus or train today or soon? I ask that because in those situations, it's often literally impossible NOT to notice that other people get sweaty, have zits, have body odors, have hair on their bodies and other such mammallian things. If I got unto the train here at rush hour, for instance, I would be pressed between a ton of people and very much experiencing all of those things quite directly.

[pianolover]

I guess your right, I see a lot of people experiencing the things that I do. I feel like they might handle it better than I might. Like they might feel more confident in who they are but I can't assume that. Some of my questions are as follows
How do you deal with wanting to have sex but not feeling like your body is sexually attractive? You know like what smells are normal for your body? How to get to know your body with the way it looks and feels.I also feel stressed that internal condoms, lube, and etc. aren't as available as condoms are. Like I feel all of these stuff should be more available to me.If you know of any resources with that!?
Also how can you be more open with yourself in exploring your sexual identity and body?

[pianolover]

On the initial question I asked I feel like I want to dive in with why I feel wrong about having these experiences

[Jacob]

Hi Lostand_found,

I guess there can be lots of reasons! Sometimes we just feel unconfident or bad about ourselves and our bodies are the nearest things to blame. That negativity can come from society at large, community more locally or experiences with family or friends or partners.

Do you have any idea what it might be for you?

[pianolover]

I feel like it's not feeling safe and supported at home and a lot of my life. And I might blame myself for not getting the support I need.

[Mo]

I think it can be easy, sometimes, to get caught in a bit of a cycle where you aren't feeling great or supported, which can make it tough to reach out and seek that support or affirmation elsewhere, which can then make you feel bad about not taking those steps to get support! It can be tough to break out of that mental space, when it happens.
Is there anyone you feel like you could talk to about any of these body worries you're having? Maybe a friend you're pretty close to, or someone you've opened up to about other personal stuff before?

[pianolover]

No, not really. I have a friend that I talk about stuff but sometimes I feel like I'm being too much for her because it seems as though I'm the only one reaching out. I guess I can try to talk to her about it

[Sam W]

Talking to your friend seems like a solid next step in terms of having some to support you!

I want to circle back to something you mentioned earlier: with your family, are these comments about your body doing completely normal things part of that larger pattern of them looking for any reason to say mean things to you? (Edited to add) And how has your search for ways to spend more time out of the house and away from them going?

[pianolover]

The first question you had regarding my family is hard to answer . I try to be the most understanding towards as others as I can and I never really understood their reasoning for pointing things out like my body hair. Like literally they'll make fun of me for having arm pit hair and then after like a day, week, or randomly; they point out their arm pit hair to me and laugh. They're like " look, i have armpit hair too." I have no idea what to do with that. So to answer your question I dont know.
Also I just started working and it has minimized my time being at home.

[Sam W]

Glad to hear work is helping you not be in the house as much!

From what you're describing, and what you've talked about in past threads, it sounds like the comments from them are part of that larger pattern where they look for any reason to say mean things to or about you. That sucks, both because being on the receiving end of those comments is unpleasant in the moment and because, over time, comments like that can leave you feeling really down on your own body.

With that in mind, I want to circle back to some of the initial questions you had. It sounds like something you're wondering is how to get familiar with the sights and smells of your body in order to feel more comfortable with them. Do you have any kind of space at home where you can have privacy? Or is it pretty hard to get any kind of alone time?

[Heather]

Would you like me to look in your area and see if there's anything like any kind of good general support groups? There might be, and it might be something that could be possibly great for you, if so. If you're into it, let me know -- and drop your zip code, if you don't mind (you can also always DM something like that to us, or leave it as a notification by reporting this post and putting it in as a comment if you're worried about others seeing it), and I'll hop on it next time I'm around. <3

[Heather]

There are a lot of options! This is one place where a ton of support groups in your general area -- some of which obviously won't likely be a good fit for you, like a divorce support group, but many of which might be a good fit -- are listed all on one place: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/grou ... les-county

Start there?