How do I ask my girlfriend about intimacy (kissing etc.)

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Ajlim
newbie
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 13, 2019 6:45 pm
Age: 18
Awesomeness Quotient: I’m pretty smart
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian/queer
Location: USA

How do I ask my girlfriend about intimacy (kissing etc.)

Unread post by Ajlim »

How do I ask my girlfriend about things like our first kiss (we’ve pecked lol) and things maybe deeper than kissing?
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9552
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: How do I ask my girlfriend about intimacy (kissing etc.)

Unread post by Heather »

I'd say you just communicate about it openly and honestly and frankly like, ideally, you do with anything else.

If this is an area that feels shaky for one or both of you, one way you can do it is to ask if you can have a time to talk about some sexual things you're interested in trying and seeing how she feels -- to have that conversation very much outside an intimate context. If it doesn't feel as precarious as that, then when you are kissing, you can ask if she wants to try a given thing you're interested in and then see what she says (which obviously could be no, yes, yes but not yet, no but maybe later, yes, but this specific way, etc.).

What way of approaching this feels right for you and your specific relationship?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
RadiantRay
not a newbie
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Oct 13, 2019 4:21 pm
Age: 29
Awesomeness Quotient: I make sex positive/NSFW embroidery hoops
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: Female, LGBTQ
Location: Georgia

Re: How do I ask my girlfriend about intimacy (kissing etc.)

Unread post by RadiantRay »

Here's an idea that I find works nicely, especially if it's something that might be new or uncomfortable to discuss. I would either go on a drive or take a walk and discuss it. There's something about the intimacy of being side by side, and moving in the same direction, that is really therapeutic! Plus it allows for the comfort of not staring them in the face the entire time, which can feel very intimidating. I agree with Heather, these conversations are always best outside of intimate/romantic times.
Good luck!!
Dreampuff
newbie
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Oct 25, 2019 11:08 pm
Age: 19
Awesomeness Quotient: I smile a lot.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/Her
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Location: Northwest US

Re: How do I ask my girlfriend about intimacy (kissing etc.)

Unread post by Dreampuff »

As long as you don't drop it like a bomb on her it should be fine. Girls like to talk about this stuff too, and we're interested in being open so we know where we stand and where things are going (or not going). Just chat casually about the kisses you've had and ease into the other stuff naturally. Just be honest and not too crude and read how she reacts to it. Her reactions will tell you if you're on the right track or if you should wait till she's more ready.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post