Stalled Relationship + Anxiety

[dandelions]

Hi,
So, I started dating this girl a few months ago. She asked me out. I had actually crushed on her awhile back; she's who made me realize I liked 'girls'. We talked a bit over text, but not much. Now, I only see her during lunch, and I'm super anxious about talking to her-sometimes I don't go to lunch because I'm nervous about how I look that day and I don't want to see her. We hardly talk over text, which is apparently really unusual. I can't tell if we don't 'click' or I'm just not trying enough to initiate conversation. She's also super chill so it's hard to tell if she's interested. Essentially, we don't have any of the components of a traditional relationship. I ask her to hang out all the time but she's always busy, and I'm busy too.
Officiality is killing it, because my friends don't think we have any real relationship. We also have a really close mutual friend, so I don't wanna make things weird. I like her energy but I can't connect with someone I can't ever see, and I'm so anxious to talk to her. I want to open up about my anxiety, and maybe suggest we be allowed to hang out with other people (we'd never discussed exclusivity, and it might help me get over the awkwardness). Plus, it seems like she doesn't wanna do anything physical, which is fine, but I think that's something I'm interested in long term. But, is it weird to have such a serious conversation when we barely talk anyway? I just can't keep living in this awkward purgatory. Thanks for your help.
-dandelions

[al]

Hi there dandelions, and welcome to Scarleteen!

I don't think that what you're proposing is weird at all; you're just communicating your wants and needs. The only way to know why she's acting the way she is or what she's expecting of you or how she categorizes your relationship is to ask her.

Do you feel like it's an 'official' relationship, and one that you want to continue being a part of? Is it benefiting you in any way (and by that I mean: is it bringing you joy, excitement, validation, comfort, etc)? Based on what you've written, it seems like you're wishing that there was more physical and emotional contact. What would it be like for you to communicate that to her, and how do you think she might respond?
As for the anxiety part, what do you think is at play in those moments when you feel anxious about talking with her in person? Is there anything that you've found helpful in those moments other than avoidance?

While we're here, I really recommend Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board, and Navigate A Healthy Relationship for tips on tricks for communicating and managing expectations.