Does this counts as my first time being touched down there?

[ILoveAnime]

So, recently someone I thought was a "friend" took avantage of me leaning down (I was standing, he was laid down on a bench) to touch me down there. I was obviously shoched and jumped back, so it really was just a poke. However, I was rightly outraged. Since he might have tought of it as a joke but it's not funny at all. Also, it's not the first time, since, while he had never done this, he had groped me before, which I had a big discussion with him about. After that he seemed to have realised but months after and he does THIS that's so much worse? I have already stopeped being friends with him because this I'll not tolerate. But you, see, here comes the real problem. Because of me making a problem out of something that I shouldn't since it really wasn't important, I ended up creating PSTD. This went for a few months and now, it was finally calming down. The PSTD revolved around me almost having panic attacks at the thought of having done or doing something that might, to some degree, seem sexual. I was finally calming down, telling myself "Yes, you are a virgin, yes you can still have all your first times happening normally like everyone else, no nothing happened in your past other than children being children". But this event triggered it all to came back. And now I'm stuck wondering if this had to count as the first time being touched on my vag. I mean, we were both fully (I was wearing pants) clothed, it is out of context, and it wasn't even in the right place. So I kinda need help to calm down. And yes, I tried talking to a friend but she was like "Jesus (name), you are so smart for some things and so dumb for others. Only penis in vagina can take your V-card". I didn't insist more but the truth is that this didn't help me at all, because I count all types of sex as a way to lose it (I'm LGBT, tho I have yet to know if pan or straight). So I'm wondering, does this counts, if we use my defenition? What about fingering? Please help

[al]

Hi there ILoveAnime, and welcome to Scarleteen.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. What he did was absolutely not okay, and it's totally understandable that it was upsetting. Your post sounds like you feel like you don't have a right to feel traumatized by that experience, but you absolutely do (especially you said since it wasn't the first time that something like this happened to you). You were touched sexually without your consent, and for us, that doesn't count as "sex"- sex is something that should ideally make you feel comfortable, safe, and really really happy. And most importantly, you didn't want it to happen, which means it shouldn't be in the same category any potential experiences you're thinking about in the future.

Why do you think that idea of 'the first time' feels important to you? Where do you think that came from? (By the way, you might find reading Magical Cups and Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context helpful - it talks about some of the myths and and historical context for that "v-card".