No pleasure, cant masturbate?

[KingdomOfHearts]

Hi! I'm a 21 year old ftm and I'm struggling a bit and really need some advice!
I am ace, or atleast I do believe so, but I still experience arousal when me and my partner do dirty talks, or when I watch anything 'dirty'. I get turned on, my stomach flutter and I become wet down there, but the problem seems to be that I dont feel physical pleasure, even though I've tried to masturbate several times. None at all. I can feel the touches but that's about it. Its not painful or anything either, and in the beginning, I never really minded the fact that I couldnt feel anything, but it has slowly developed into a concern. And now my partner wants intercourse, which I've never really done before. I'm scared that if I dont enjoy it or so, they'll be worried or hurt? And I'm worried something might be wrong with me. In frustration, I've even tried to be rough to feel pain, but nothing? Please help?

[Mo]

Hi there, KingdomOfHearts, and welcome to Scarleteen.

When you talk about not feeling anything when you're touching yourself or trying to masturbate, are you feeling the touch at all? I just want to clarify if it's a situation where you're feeling some numbness or loss of sensation (which you'd want to check in with a doctor about), or if you can feel the touch but it just doesn't feel very good.

If you just aren't feeling anything very exciting, I have a couple of thoughts. The lack of pleasurable sensation could be related to your arousal levels; sometimes people can feel a little aroused but not be excited enough that genital contact feels good. It could also be that if you spend a little more time experimenting with different kinds of touch that you'll find a way to touch yourself, or for your partner to touch you, that does feel good. I encourage you, whether you're masturbating on your own or being intimate with your partner, to remember that our bodies are about a lot more than genitals and that arousal is more of a mental than a physical thing, so experimenting more with touch all over the body, massage, talking more about sexual fantasy or media that's appealing to you, etc. may be helpful.

Because you say you think you may be asexual, though, I do want to check in on how interested you are in exploring sex right now. Different people experience asexuality in different ways, but if you're feeling disinterested in sex in general, or actively repulsed by it, that's likely going to have a big impact in how you respond to sexual touch. If you aren't feeling pleasure during sexual contact right now, I think intercourse isn't likely to feel great or be a good experience for you. Have you talked with them about how masturbation hasn't felt good to you so far? If so, how has that knowledge impacted the conversation they're having with you about wanting intercourse?