A bit paranoid about first time

[avoguill]

Hi! So me and my boyfriend are 18 and we have been dating for almost 6 months and he’s soon leaving the country because he’s an exchange student so before he leaves we really want to have sex (even tho we can barely find a place to do it lol) and it will be our first time for both of us and I really want my first time to be with him but since we’re both inexperienced I am a bit paranoid about something going wrong like putting the condom in the wrong way or slipping off and getting semen inside me or anything like that. We’ve done stuff with each other before like masturbating and fingering but I just can’t stop thinking about if my desire of sleeping with him is bigger than my fear of something going wrong and somehow getting pregnant? I really need advice on how to stop getting these kind of thoughts and how can I be sure that he’s using protection the right way.

[Heather]

One thing I want to do is just check in with you about how it might feel emotionally to be sexual with someone then have them leave and be really far away. I get wanting to do this now, but I also think it might be worth thinking about how now might NOT be a great time. People can often feel really vulnerable after sexual first times, so this setup could actually be one that really isn't great, you know?

Too, if you don't really feel like you have a real place and some real time for this, chances are your first experience of intercourse isn't going to be super. As it is, that's generally not an activity that is all that amazing for people with a vulva (vs. those with a penis) if it isn't something that's also connected to other sexual activities, and if you don't have a good deal of time and space for those other kinds of sex with it, as well as to really be taking your time, it may well be a pretty lousy experience. Want to talk more about that?

Proper condom use is a lot less complicated and easier to manage than feelings and other issues. Here are two articles that explain how to use condoms and other barriers properly:
• Condom Basics: A User's Manual
• All the Barriers! All the Time!

[Sarah B]

You should also consider that there is always a chance that you may very well get pregnant. Even with proper use the unexpexted can happen such as a condom can break. How will you feel if you do get pregnant and he is in another country. This is just something to consider. I have multiple sex partners at one time and have come to terms with the fact that if I get pregnant I may not know from which guy. It is just something you have to be prepared for.