Scarleteen

I’ll try to keep this succinct:

I’m a 19 year old cis-female. I want to explore some feelings I’ve had toward other women, but I have absolutely no idea how. I’ve dated/hooked up with guys for the last 5 years, but over the last 3 years, I’ve met girls who I find very attractive. The issue is I haven’t the foggiest clue how to address this attraction. Not only am I nervous about initiating a romantic and/or sexual relationship with a woman, but I don’t even know where/how to meet women who might be interested in me.

(Tinder seems like the easiest pathway to a sexual relationship, but (for reasons still unknown) my account was deactivated by Tinder almost immediately after I ended my last relationship. So that’s a no-go.)

And, while I have met women in the past who I felt a sexual attraction to, it’s never been without an intellectual attraction as well. This has made everything a bit more difficult. I’ve slept with (and even dated) guys who I am sexually but not intellectually attracted to. I seem to be able to overlook shit personalities and dull minds when it comes to men I’m sexually attracted to, but I can’t seem to do that with women. It’s kind of an all or nothing deal, and that’s become another limiting factor.

IN ANY CASE, I would really appreciate any advice on how to actually begin exploring these feelings I’ve been having. Suggestions of all kinds are welcome, but especially those on how/where to meet potential partners and how to go about initiating a romantic/sexual relationship with a woman once I do meet someone.

Thanks so much for your help!

Hi Katja,

It sounds like dating sites/apps are what you would have prefered if your account hadn't been disabled so I wonder if there might not be a couple more options there.

You could consider joining a different site (I've found okcupid and feeld to be relatively queer friendly), or starting a new account.

There also might be LGBTQ+ social groups in your area where you can get advice on the best spots to meet people and find dates.

With the intellectual attraction thing, would you mind saying more about that? Do you mean that connections feel like a bigger risk? Or that you struggle to explore the sexual element on it's own?