Periods suddenly a lot more often

[Wulfie]

So I've been diagnosed with PCOS and I usually had my period about once every 3 to 7 months (I've been having them for about 13 years.)
I live together with two girls, and my uterus is now suddenly like "yeah well we're gonna sync up with them!" So now I get them pretty consistent whenever they are on their periods (which is every month).
But I thought the whole syncing up thing was a myth?? I don't understand why my body suddenly decided this was a good idea?? I just feel very betrayed by my body and I don't understand what's happening. Especially since it never happened before while I've lived together with girls all my life. The last year I've had more periods than the previous four years combined and I hate it and I don't understand why or how.

Does anyone have an idea how a body can suddenly decide to have periods way more often?
Or an idea how I can reverse this and go back to once every 7 months? (or less, but that's probably not an option)

[al]

Hi there Wulfie, and welcome to Scarleteen!

As far as I know, there isn't any conclusive research that validates the whole "cycles syncing up" concept. Lots of people talk about it culturally/anecdotally, but it's not replicable, so it can't really be supported by scientific evidence. (The most recent articles I could find about it were from 2006, so it seems like researchers have essentially given up on trying to prove it.)

However, having PCOS means that your body doesn't create hormones or go through cycles the way that most people's do, so it very well might be a weird side effect of the condition. Things like stress, medication, and even diet can affect hormonal/"reproductive" disorders like endometriosis or PCOS. I totally sympathize with feeling confused by decisions your body's making through - even though I had a hysterectomy a year and a half ago, my body still decides sometimes that it wants to have a period-like few days (using the tiny amount of uterine tissue and cervix that are still left). It's endlessly frustrating, and it makes me want to shout into my abdomen with a bullhorn, "GET WITH THE PROGRAM. WE DON'T DO THIS ANYMORE."

Have you talked with a healthcare provider about these changes? That would be my first suggestion, because sudden changes in menstrual patterns are usually something that we want to get checked out, just to make sure that there isn't anything else going on. In talking with the provider, they might also be able to offer options for suppressing menstruation if you're not fond of it, that include things like hormonal contraceptives, an IUD, or hormone replacement therapy. Is that doable at all?

[Wulfie]

Thanks for your response!
Talking to a healthcare provider is... scary. And awkward. And triggers a lot of dysphoria. It's so bad to the point that I can't even say the words out loud. (Picture a silent insecure transgender boy in a waiting room with all older women who want to get pregnant...)

When I got it checked out about two years ago and got the diagnosis PCOS (after a lot of pressure from said housemates because passing out and throwing up are apparently not okay at all), I did ask about possible ways to suppress the whole thing. The doctor said that there are plenty of things I could do, but all the hormone thingies (like the pill and such) have estrogen in them. Which means that when I would take them, I will possibly loose the - for me - 'benefits' from PCOS (things like my leg hair). Plus, taking the pill is a stereotypically feminine thing to do, and I mentally can't do that.

I am trying to get on testosterone, but that probably won't be in the near future, unfortunately.

[Mo]

I can sympathize SO hard with the awkwardness and trauma of being a young trans guy in a waiting room at a "women's" clinic, but I do think that if there's any way you're able to manage it (would bringing a supportive friend to sit with you in the waiting room and do something affirming with you afterwards help?), it's a good idea to check in with a doctor about these changes. Remember, just because you see a doctor you don't have to take any new medication or treatment; you can have an appointment where the purpose is just to do an exam to make sure there aren't any problems or issues to keep an eye on.
I know it's much easier to say "try and see if you can manage a doctor visit" than to actually do it, but it does sound like the best thing you can do right now.

[Wulfie]

Thanks for your response!

If I were to go to the doctor and get an exam, wouldn't that mean they have to look down there? I mean, talking about it is awkward enough, but I don't think I would be able to take off my pants and have someone else look down there.
(Plus, I highly doubt they will think anything of it, because it is now more the way "nature intended" or "healthy" or something. They were worried when I said that I might get my period maybe two or three times a year and they sort of wanted to up that, while I was really happy it didn't happen more often. I'm not sure they would understand or listen if I tell them this is not normal for me, because the statistics say it is normal? (And that's excluding the whole dysphoria thing, which is something the people there have no experience with.))
Sorry to be so stubborn, I know I probably should just go, but I'm scared as death of it.

[Heather]

If a doctor responded like that, they'd be being a pretty crummy doctor. Too, in this case, an exam may be needed, but it also might not be. In this case, I actually don't know what a manual exam could find: it seems to me that blood tests would be the more effective from of evaluation.

We understand how you're feeling: you don't need to apologize for it. It also isn't asking anything bonkers to want healthcare that works for you as a trans person: that's a totally reasonable want and request.

Am I getting it right that so far, you haven't seen a healthcare provider you actually liked, and also feel does the best they can to serve you as a trans person? If not, would you like some help finding trans-friendly healthcare? You say you want to be on T and that's not likely: have you actually seen someone about this who is a trans healthcare provider?

[Wulfie]

Thanks for your response!

Well, I went to the GP for it, and they sent me to a gynaecologist who sent me to a different gynaecologist because none of those people had experiences with trans people, and none of them knew of any health doctors who did have experience (or even knowledge for that matter) with trans people. I suppose there aren't a lot of trans guys here that need to go to a gynaecologist. So as far as doctors in that 'area of expertise' go, I haven't been very lucky. I mean, they were nice enough, but they also just had no idea what to do with me (in the end they sort of sent me away with a "you don't want what I have to offer, so we can't help you, but here are some painkillers.")

I am on a waiting list for an actual trans health clinic, but the waiting list is over a year long, so until then I just have to wait my turn.

I suppose I'm mostly looking for a magic instant solution that does not exist.

If I needed to get a blood test, would I need to go bach to the gynaecologist? Or is that something my own doctor can do as well?

[Jacob]

Hi Wulfie!

Good on you for going to see the GP and these gynaecologists. Even trying to get good care from sub-standard clinicians is something many have had to face.

I'm a bit disappointed at your doctors too... While it'd be great if they did have pre-existing experience they could also just treat you like a person and listen to you and your needs, without having had any of that experience. I'm sure there are many cis people who also would be happy with fewer periods and may have deep discomfort undergoing an physical examination.

Anyway, how do you feel you can hold out while you're on the waiting list? Do you know any other trans guys in the Netherlands who can relate with the issues you're having?

[Amanda F]

Hey Wulfie,

It sounds like finding an understanding and accepting doctor could help a lot.

The World Professional Association for Transgender Health has a list of recommended providers, including a few in the Netherlands. If they're near you, maybe one of them would be a good person to visit should you need to return to the doctor. They may also be able to help you manage your cycle and PCOS in a gender-affirming way.

[Wulfie]

Thanks for your responses both!

@Jacob: I know there is a support group once a month or something, so I'm building up the courage to go there. (I am not a courageous person xD). I do know a couple of people online though, with whom I can talk a bit. (I just never really dare to say anything myself, but it's at least nice to read what they are going through.)

@birds_chirping: Thanks a lot! If I have to go back to a doctor, this will be really helpful!

[Sam W]

Hi Wulfie,

Glad there are people online who you're getting support from! With the in-person group, what things about going to it feel intimidating to you? Are there specific fears, or is it more that you tend to get anxious whenever you think about trying new, in-person things?

[Wulfie]

Definitely that last one. And besides the general anxiety I also have the typical "what if I'm not trans enough, what if they hate me, what if I don't 'look' trans enough, what if they think I'm faking it," thoughts. So those are definitely not helping either (even though I know it probably won't be that bad). I am a very anxious person xD.

[Sam W]

You're certainly not the first trans person to have those anxieties when going into a new, trans-focused space. Although it is helpful that some part of you knows it won't be as bad as your anxiety is insisting it is.

Are there any techniques you've learned, either through working with a mental healthcare provider or through another source, that might help you manage the burst of anxiety that would come with attending the group for the first time?

[Wulfie]

(Sorry I haven't responded sooner. I was at my mom's and I dont have (private) access to the internet there.)

The best way would probably be to just go and see that it's all fine. Set myself a date and stick to it. I don't really know any exercises to calm down (I know the breathing thing makes me only sort of forget how to breathe at all, and any exercises that focus on your body trigger my dysphoria. And I think those are the two biggest (or even only) categories for calming down). Any tips are welcome though, and sorry that I am the most difficult person ever.

The next meeting is in two weeks, and I'm very much trying to make it to that meeting!

[Sam W]

No worries, glad to see you again!

Okay, so let's see if we can come up with some tools that would help you make that meeting. Something that I've used before is to have a small fidget or soothing item that I can have in my pocket or on my body. On a really basic level, that can help ground you if you're in a social situation (or about to be in one) and you're starting to get up in your head in unhelpful ways.

Something that can also help is to learn how to identify which types of unhelpful thoughts often crop up when you're trying to go into a new social situation. Moodjuice has a really basic breakdown of the common ones and how to deal with them: https://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp/. You could also try some visualization ahead of time to help counteract whatever bad versions of events your brain might be supplying: https://anxietycanada.com/articles/confidence-builders/. Do any of those things seem like they'd be helpful to try?

[Wulfie]

Oooh, fidgeting is indeed a thing I do a lot! So I can definitely try to bring a fidget with me (though the only ones I have are pretty colourful, and won't they think it's childish?).

I can try to do the visualisation exercise, but I'm not sure it will work since it uses body and breathing exercises.
The first link doesn't work for me though, I get a 404 not found error. Do you maybe have another link? It sounds interesting and definitely like something that might help!

[Sam W]

Honestly, fidgeting is a common enough thing that even if someone does notice, they're not likely to think anything beyond "huh, a fidget." Too, one thing anxiety is great at is convincing us that everything we do is big and obvious to everyone around us. But in most cases, people are too busy focusing on lots of things all at once (including their own worries) to notice the little things we do, y'know?

Dang, sorry about the broken link! I just tested this one, and it should be working (if it still doesn't, let me know and we'll try another route): https://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp

[Wulfie]

That link does work! Thanks a lot!

[Sam W]

Hooray! And you're welcome.